Having a gap year before attending college - IELTS

Topic: Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.

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Please give me comments and score for my essay.
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Gap year between school and university

Nowadays, having a gap year before attending college is popular tender of many youngsters but it also creates a large controversial in society. I will discuss some valid arguments and give my personal opinion in the following essay.

On the one hand, some opponents assume that a year school off wastes not only youngsters' time but also money. We all aware that they have just graduated high school, so the money supporting for their journeys absolutely is from their parents or even bank's loan. In addition, instead of studying, the youngsters will be distracted by traveling. No one ensures all of them will spend their time for real experiences or just traveling with friends? Finally, in the turmoil world, nothing is insurance; we can't predict anything happens in their trips such as robbery, being kidnapped, violent relation or even being murdered and that is the poor start for their future.

On the other hand, some supporters oppose the rarely bad circumstance like those, they presume that gap year is the great way for youngster gaining the new experiences after living with their parent nearly twenty years. In a year school off, they can study how to start their own lives without family, they have to learn how to live in the strange place with new people. Those experiences are the means which help them more mature. Moreover, youngsters also study and practice new skills like time management, financial control, and interpersonal communication skill; those are the greatly important keys for them to get a success in the future. One and the most fundamental reason for encouraging the youngsters take the gap year is many nowadays employers appreciate candidates who take the year off after graduating high school and with that experiences, youngsters can get the good jobs in future.

Overall, I think the benefits of gap year overweight the disadvantages. In my opinion, youngsters should go out explore the world and gain new experiences with the obvious plan for their trip.

Nguye, I will give your work a score of 4 across all the 4 scoring considerations. Your paraphrasing is inaccurate in terms of properly representing the prompt requirements because of the improperly represented discussion outline. The outline should have been:

Some people believe that taking a gap year after high school to travel is a good idea. Others who disagree with this belief believe that this is a bad idea for several reasons. In this essay, I will be discussing the two opposing points of view with the addition of my personal opinion at the end.

Nguye: Correction to the opening statement is in bold. GRA score is 4.

Note how I represented each point of view individually. This shows the examiner that you understand the subject of the prompt. Then I outlined what will be discussed, the two points of view and my personal opinion. This presentation proves that I am capable of understanding the instructions provided and that I will be discussing it in the expected manner.

Your line of reasoning is good but needs to be better developed. It is always best to take the most impressive topic for the argument, just one topic, and then totally develop that discussion in 3-5 sentences. It helps to increase your GRA score when you are concentrated on only one topic instead of discussing so many topics in the paragraph that you barely are able to justify your reasons and properly develop your sentences. The fact that you tried to discuss more than one reason really weakened your presentation when it could have been strong enough to score at least a 5. There is a lack of complex sentences in your writing and the grammar problems abound. You obviously did not have time to proof read and edit your essay before submission. Always leave at least 5 minutes to do that before the end of the allotted time.

When you are discussing two opposing points of view, making sure that you discuss the same topic as the one you previously presented makes your presentation even stronger. That is because the line of reasoning shifts to a debate mode which allows you to show the same school of thought using 2 different considerations, the good and the bad. So if you discuss how the parents take a bank loan to pay for the trip for their child, and that is considered a positive, how does that translate into a negative? That is the new opposing paragraph that you should have written.

As for your personal opinion, you cannot make that part of the conclusion. For the personal opinion, you could have reflected on whether you would have taken a gap year abroad and what your reasons would be. That would justify your support or non-support of one of the given discussion sides. The the proper concluding summary of the discussion and a reiteration of your opinion was all that was required for the closing paragraph.

Thanks @Holt

However, I want to ask you about this sentence "Others believe that traveling after high school disagree with that belief", I think it is a little bit misunderstandable and create the confusing for others. And what is GRA score?