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Having a job that you love doing make you happier - IELTS WRITING TASK 2


ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 19, 2016   #1
Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

Nowadays, some people believe that they have to choose job they love to do in order to be happier. However, in my opinion there are other things that affect to have the happiness.

Deciding what job we want to do is important. Job is our ambition that we have when we were young and job is our future. We used half of our live to learn how to be able to do it in schools. Then we are going to spend our future to do it. We will do the same routinity every day. Therefore it may make us bored, stess and unhappy. To avoid these unpleasant possibilities we should have a job that we love to do because it make us happy as long as we do it.

Several factors like how much your salary, how long your work time and how pleasant your environment will affect your mental health. If you earn less money from your job you may get mental illness like stress to think about how you can pay for your live services. Another factor is how much time do you spend in a week to work. When you have no time even to see your friends or just enjoying your leisure time because of your job, you may lose your happiness, feel lonely and become sick. Also your office environment will touch your physicology because you meet the same people every day. If they are good individuals and very enjoyable you may fell comfort and grateful. Whereas, not all people in your work place seem like that. Sometimes you will find annoying people around you. Thus it can disturb you.

In conclusion, i believe that to be happier with our job we should love it. Beside that, we should consider some factors that have impacts to our happiness as well.

RezaAnandatama17 8 / 13 3  
Aug 20, 2016   #2
let me rewrite your Introduction ...

Since 20th century, societies across the globe have changed their mind about the meaning of happiness. Virtually of them argue that having a job is the best form of making people happier in their daily activities. While I argue such notion does not stand in much ground, I strongly believe that other categorizes play a pivotal rule in order to live happily.
tyar32 10 / 14  
Aug 20, 2016   #3
Hi ekalamarsyari11
I have some suggestions for you. I hope it will help you to develop your writing skill.

Most people believe can do their job well and happier if they enjoy with that.

To avoid these unpleasant possibilities we should do what we loves.

don't make a redundant sentence

tyar32
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 20, 2016   #4
Hi Eka, here's my analysis towards your essay, especially in grammatical range and accuracy part.

1st paragraph:
- NowadaysThese days("These days" is more appropriate in academic writing) , some people believe that they have to choose a particular job that they love to do in order to be happier.happy.

- However, in my opinion, there are other things that affectto have thepeople's happiness. (what do you mean by "other things" ? you need to be clear. Outlining your ideas are important to the coherence of your essay)

4th paragraph:
- In conclusion, i believe that to be................impacts to our happiness as well.(Too simplistic and too general. It is better to paraphrase your thesis statement in brief rather than simply restate your introduction)

Overall, your body paragraphs also have some errors related to fragmented sentences and spelling errors. You can try to check them in Microsoft Word by turn the spell-checker and grammar-checker on. Try to be more careful in the next practice. Good luck :)
bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 20, 2016   #5
aloha Eka, below are my suggestions:

1st paragraph

Nowadays(you should better other phrases such as"in this recent era""in the present time"or something like that) , some people(inhabitants, persons, common people, general public, or population) believe that they have to choose(apply for) job they love to ...

... there are other thingsmatters that affect to have the happiness.

2nd paragraph
- avoid pronoun "we" on your essay. you could replace "people"
- make the various vocabularies on your sentences
- "to infinitive" is too much, so repair your sentences

overall, make your statement more sharp....
ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 20, 2016   #6
Hallo Eka! let me try to show you the other way to write it :)

... believe that they have to choose find a job they love to do in order to be happier.
... other things that affect the people to have gain the happiness.

Deciding on what kind of job we want to do is important. (Do not forget to use the word combinations properly such as decide -> on, you can check the BBI dictionary)

Getting a favourite job is one ofour people ambition that we have when we were young and job is our future.

Last, I remain you to minimize using "we" in summary or writing task, as Miss Ray said. Good luck!
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 21, 2016   #7
HI Eka,

- Nowadays, some people believe that they have to chooseget a job they love to do in order to befeel happier.
- We will do the same routinity every daydaily routine.
- Therefore it may makeS us bored, stessstressful and unhappy.
... a job that we love to do because it make ...

I think you need to make a longer introduction. if you do not have any ideas, you can paraphrase the question.
Avoid using "we" in task 2. Hopefully it helps.


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