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IELTS; having purpose of life and being helpful as the main factors to achieve happiness


ritairianti 3 / 12 4  
Oct 5, 2014   #1
Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?


Mostly people want to be happy because happiness is the essential part of human being. However each people have different to describe about happiness, there is common point to reach your happiness.

Happiness is difficult to define because each inhabitant has their standard to be happy. Some people believe that having amount of money can bring your happiness and completely give what you want. For instance, you will be happy when you get your limited exclusive bag with your money and you can travel around the world without feeling worries although you spend lots of money. It means that your goal oriented in your life is all about money. On the other side, people choice family and health are more important than money. Family will give you extraordinary happiness because they are the closest people in the world with you and never replace with other. Health is one of the important things in life, without health life you cannot get your overwhelming career and make your family proud.

Meanwhile, it is difficult to describe happiness because people do not have the same answer about being happy. However, some people agree there are plenty of points to be happy. Firstly, it becomes harder when you have no purpose of life. You should create your goals in your life, for example you want great career with big salaries for your education, for your better future, for food and drink and safe place. As the result, you will be happy when you reach your goals. Secondly, people are the social creature that is normally they want sharing and caring with other people. Your feeling will be better when you more often spend your time, money and power to help each other.

In conclusion, happiness is difficult to define because people have a different perception, but in my view you will be happy when you have the main point of happiness such as purpose of life and help each other.

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Oct 5, 2014   #2
My comments and suggestions are listed below :-)

-Your introduction needs some work. You need to restate the essay prompt, present an overview of the discussion, and then present your personal definition of what happiness is about. Don't forget to make it very clear that the whole point of view of the essay will come from your viewpoint. Once you have successfully done that, you will be able to move on to the body of your essay.

Happiness is difficult to define because each inhabitant has their standard to be happy

- ... standard of happiness .

Some people believe that having amount of money can bring your happiness and completely give what you want.

For instance, you will be happy when you get your limited exclusive bag with your money and you can travel around the world without feeling worries although you spend lots of money .

- Keep the essay tight. Your paragraph discussion already works without examples.

It means that yourgoal oriented in your life is all about money

- ... that your life goal is simply to have a lot of money .

- Yet, there are some people who believe that a happy family life and good health is worth more than money. A good and happy family life can never be replaced by any amount of money. Good health cannot be replaced by money either. As the saying goes "Health is wealth". Without good health, a person will not be able to experience a happy and fulfilled family life.

- It is difficult to qualify what a person would use to describe happiness. People all have different ideas about being happy. So there are also different factors to consider when describing the important factors that help one achieve happiness. Happiness is having a direction in life. Happiness means creating goals that will result in your happiness. Goals such as better salaries and a safe place to live are sure to bring about happiness in a person.

- You can't state a new point of view, specially your own in the conclusion. So you have to better develop this portion into a full paragraph then write the conclusion based on the preset criteria of a restated prompt. summary, and point of view.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Oct 6, 2014   #3
Hey..., it seems that you didn't pay particular attention to the previous comments. I suggest that you get back you the last essay and peruse all readers' comments.

When it comes to an introductory statement, your task is to introduce the background information retrieved from prompt, and then raise your claim. Also, it is a good idea if you could present a hook, which attracts the readers' attention. By doing this, I am sure that you will have a solid introductory paragraph.

Although you have written two informative bodies, you failed to build your strong arguments so as to answer what the prompt is asking. As a result, the contents of this essay are too weak to defend your arguments. As mentioned previously, I suggest that you'd better find some facts retrieved from some finding. Taking an example, you can extract the results from The Journal of Happiness & Well-Being.

each people have

each person has

common point

common/public perception
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Oct 6, 2014   #4
Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Mostly people want to be happy because happiness is the essential part of human being. However each people have different to describe about happiness, there is common point to reach your happiness.

Hello ritairianti,
Let me try to write an introductory paragraph which is in three aspects; an attention-grabbing introductory sentence (Hook), background sentence, thesis statement.
Every person ever feels deeply for joy and rejoice in their live. Happiness cannot be explained by compound words or complex sentences so it becomes public debate when people rise the different perspective of happiness. While I believe that it is understandable, there are some aspects which are resulted in happiness.


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