Essay about having little leisure time and studying under a lot of pressure of youngster

relax vs study time

Topic: In some nations, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In recent decades, it is believed that adolescents are facing the high tension in their learning and do not have much time for themselves. From my perspective, the phenomenon generates from two major reasons including universities' entrance and the cultural aspects and therefore governments should enact policies to restructure the education system as well as create more job opportunities for youngsters did not possess academic degrees.

To begin with, the first contributing factor behind this issue is that the career target of young generation requires them studying constantly under great strain and on tight schedule to achieve their goals, which means they have to accumulate knowledge and broaden their horizons in order to pave the way for their future. Not to mention that elements of the culture should not be ignored, especially in a number of Asian countries where people and the society have a tendency to be more respectful and hold high regard to those who own qualifications, hence they put their learning on the first priority instead of taking part in recreational activities.

To cope with this problem, authorities of the majority of nations should renovate the educational service in which students are allowed to opt the subjects that are the most suitable them and can help them in the later profession rather than study all disciplines. In addition, colleges could organize distant-learning courses to assist learners to reduce the quantity of work that they have to hit the books. As a result, they have more spare time for entertainment. The second measure could be attributed to this headache is that employers and departments of states should hire merit-based employees than recruit individuals with good qualifications. This action gradually sharpens the community's awareness that ability and experiences play a more essential role than just an academic degree.

To sum up, youngsters nowadays spend very limited time on relaxations because of their timetable for studies. This is sometimes not the best for these students since they should have a balanced plan between learning and unwinding.

@Harry Nguyen
Welcome to the forum. Here is my feedback on your writing.

Good job on the content. The substance of the writing itself is quite good. However, most of your mistakes fall under the fact that you still weren't fully able to address to are related to the technical parts of the writing. For instance, the flow of your content still appears to be rather shallow because of the lack of appropriate punctuation marks.

If you take a look at the second paragraph, nearly all of the sentences are excessively long without the integration of appropriate pauses. If you can address this, it will certainly help your writing to be a lot more organized since you aren't so reliant on just one angle of the discussion.

@Maria
Thank you very much for your review. I hope i can edit these mistakes in the following essays