Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Does having a lot of options make people happy?


stranger4ever 8 / 29  
Apr 6, 2010   #1
This was an essay homework,my teacher gave me more marks on it than (common sense),eventhough i did not like what I wrote about Does having alot of ...Please rate it,is it good for a tenth grader????????

Does Having a lot of options make people happy?

Does having a lot of options make people happy? Now that's what I call a good question? It would be hard to me to answer it! But it actually depends on the type of people. Some enjoy a variety of options , the others just don't. I met three people , Krystal, Beth, and Elizabeth, and each one will answer the readers question in three different ways!

Krystal told me that there is nothing better than options, that is why she prefers to go to the supermarket rather than a minimarket, because she would have more variety . Seeing new stuff makes her not bored.

Beth told me that it just drives her crazy. Everytime she goes to a café with her friends, she freaks out, what should she drink, and if she for example decided to drink coffee ,which kind should she buy? There is Expresso ,Turkish coffee, and so on. That's why she likes to go to a place were they only sell one type of whatever.

Elizabeth doesn't even think about it, but she thinks it is good to have some variety so people (from slums to business men) will be able to get their needs with suitable prices.

Does options make people happy, more options mean more money, but does money makes people happy ? No. But we have to remember that money doesn't buy happiness, eventhough we live in a material world.

meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Apr 6, 2010   #2
Funny situation. Are you saying that your teacher gives you good marks/scores/grades even though you thought this was a poorly written paper? Let's read...

Now that's what I call a good question?

why the Question mark at the end? Maybe an exclamation mark intended? If you wanted to just have it as a statement, then 'Now that's what I call a good question. It would be hard for* me to answer it!'

But it actually depends on the type of people.

Once I read this sentence, I thought something was awry. You go from happiness, to asking questions, to good question, to different people types...I'm getting a bad feeling from this chain. Unless this "it" here refers to that first question. I guess the issue is the chain of three pronouns. Try to keep them, the pronouns, clearly connected with what they are meant to substitute.

just

works here, but they don't 'what'? Maybe "simply can't stand making such choices." or "simply dislike open ended possibilities." I think the latter fits better. What do you think? :] hehe

each one will answer the readers question

So, here I want to pause and ask you, what made you think of this question? is there a background to it? something that made you think about it? And back to editing- 'each one answered* this/the/my question'

in three different ways!

did each of them give you three answers? or did they each give you a single, different response? (hint: exclamations are fun, but use them sparingly. Instead of surprising your reader/audience/teacher with these !!!!, you need only use one, try to make more analytical or critical statements. This will greatly improve your writing style and hopefully get you to write more about what you think.

Krystal told me that there is nothing better than options, that is why she prefers to go to the supermarket rather than a minimarket, because she would have more variety . Seeing new stuff makes her not bored.

First paragraph I assume? Quite short. I'm not sure if you enjoy using adjectives (you have countless ones to choose from), but you could use some more of those, and add in a transition here or there. A topic sentence would be good, but I'm not sure if you need that for such a short piece. Grammatically, you can split the first sentence into maybe two, or possibly even three smaller clauses. That last sentence "Seeing new..." is a clear attempt at commenting on her response, or seems so, but you can add more. Explain why it doesn't make her bored, explain that a supermarket has countless more options and merchandise than a minimart, explain that more clearly than "more variety"- more variety of 'what'? These can seem really simple things to talk about, but if you can link them well together, you can tell the reader more of what you think. Maybe you know those things, but organize them and write them down.

Beth told me that it just drives her crazy. Everytime she goes to a café with her friends, she freaks out, what should she drink, and if she for example decided to drink coffee ,which kind should she buy? There is Expresso ,Turkish coffee, and so on. That's why she likes to go to a place were they only sell one type of whatever.

Second paragraph is three sentences! Good job. Again, those "it"s need to be addressed properly. Every time* she goes to a cafe with her friends, she freaks out because she doesn't know what kind of coffee, let alone what kind of drink she should buy.

freaks out-colloquial but ok I guess? or maybe not...this is your essay, use your own style.
Same issue with "type of whatever." type of whatever she wants/needs to buy/eat/drink/etc. Be more descriptive. Finish those thoughts.

Using "There is..." sounds somewhat odd. Again, if you add a description, you could say, "On the menu, she sees Expresso,..." Changing the way you write can make a big difference.

Elizabeth doesn't even think about it, but she thinks it is good to have some variety so people (from slums to business men) will be able to get their needs with suitable prices.

Miss MiddleRoad. It's always good to have these people/thoughts around.
What do you mean Lizzy doesn't think about it? What do you mean by your parenthetical statement? (why is it there?) why not so that people from all pay scales/ people from all walks of life/ people with different tastes/ etc? I say this because "slums" are not a people. :/ Again, you can write more here I assume. You could even state those choices I wrote a second ago and use those. Talk about them. What is good, what is bad, etc.

Does options make people happy, more options mean more money, but does money makes people happy ? No. But we have to remember that money doesn't buy happiness, eventhough we live in a material world.

Do* options make people happy?
Since you didn't really analyze anything, I'm not sure a "in conclusion" statement would work. You address the happiness issue only in the introduction and the conclusion. I don't remember a happiness reference in the body. You could write about being happy there too. Again, with this type of paper, I don't know if you are allowed to use personal pronouns, but I assume you can, since you used them earlier. Last statement makes sense. However, prove it in the essay. Make your point a strong one.

is it good for a tenth grader?

What exactly are you trying to do? write better? get advice on better writing? simply get other opinions? I read your other thread; it seems like you write well. Good is subjective :] I can say that you can definitely improve your writing. I assume you live in America? If not, pardon my ignorance.

~Sorry I got carried away

Cheers,
Jon
comet2000 10 / 48  
Apr 7, 2010   #3
Does having a lot of options make people happy? Now that's what I call a good question? . (why is there a question mark? i don't think you really need a question mark.) It would be hard to me to answer it! But it actually depends on the type of people. oh, ok. when i read that i was like what do you actually mean here? it just seems odd that sentence is here. hard to answer to types of people don't really flow. write something else.Some enjoy a variety of options, while others don't. (it doesn't sound right to me.)I met three people , Krystal, Beth, and Elizabeth, and each one will answer the readers question in three different ways! (what are you actually trying to say here? how many questions did you ask them? "three different ways" is very confusing to me. after reading this sentence, i was wondering what you are talking about.)

Krystal told me that there is nothing better than options, that is why she prefers to go to the supermarket rather than a minimarket, because she would have more variety . Seeing new stuff makes her not bored.

you could expend on this. what options is she taking about? the first sentence, make it into two sentences. it would sound better rather then having a bunch of stuff into one long sentence. the last sentence, how would you know that new stuff makes her not bored? what made you come to this conclusion?

Elizabeth doesn't even think about it, but she thinks it is good to have some variety so people (from slums to business men) will be able to get their needs with suitable prices.

i don't think you would need the "(from slums to business men)". i think people is enough. could use a few more sentences on that.

Does options make people happy, more options mean more money, but does money makes people happy ? No. But we have to remember that money doesn't buy happiness, eventhough we live in a material world.

oh, ok. again, what are you trying to do here? it doesn't sound like you are making your final thoughts.

as if it is good for a ten grader, i don't know. everyone has their own writing style. my suggestion after reading this essay is to expend more on your body paragraphs.
OP stranger4ever 8 / 29  
Apr 7, 2010   #4
I know that this essay was horriable, as I said before I didn't like it, and I had no ideas about what to wright in this topic.Thanks 4 ur help.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Apr 7, 2010   #5
Does Do options make people happy? More options mean more money, but does money makes people happy?

I think you could write a lot of good examples and really enjoy working on this essay. I have a lot of examples of times when I had a lot of options and did not enjoy it.

I also remember times when I was sort of relieved to have only one option!

You did not write very much, but I like the energized style!
zhangqin 3 / 10  
Apr 9, 2010   #6
This is an interesting essay.
In my opinion, if people have many opinions, they generally will regret whichever they choice. They will regret they do not choice others. Because everything has two side---the positive side and the negative side. Before ones make a choice, they usually compare their defects, but after that they will consider the merits of the opinions which they do not choice.
vivien_wang 9 / 31  
Apr 13, 2010   #7
Having a lot of options means no option.

Many success businesspersons say things would have been totally different if they had another option. They had to stick on the only option and keep digging for the fortune underneath. It reminds me of the movie The Pursuit of Happyness. If sales went well with his x-ray machines, Chris Garner would not have been a successful stockbroker. At that time, he had no other options. He had to fight for the only chance.

This is a very thought-provoking topic. Thank you:)


Home / Writing Feedback / Does having a lot of options make people happy?