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Task 2 Ielts: having a single career or having several careers

DiepVu 2 / 4  
Jun 17, 2019   #1

is it better to have many jobs in life or not?

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that countries throughout life.

Nowadays, having many jobs in life is seemed to be a trend while having only one job is something old-fashioned. However, some people give some different arguments to this problem.

On the one hand, receiving several careers brings many advantages about experience, money and even soft skills. In the world with quick growth speed, dynamic and energetic young generation has motivation to explore new experience in many fields. Besides, they also get some lessons to support their fledging ability as community, time-management,... It's obvious that money is the biggest thing people care about. The more careers you change, of course, the more knowledge you have to choose which job's salary is better.

On the other hand, there are a lot of reasons that make people chose having only one job in their life. Firstly, the job settles down their life with a stable salary or increasing gradually from period one. Secondly, as status quote bias in economics, they have no interest in changing their work environment their relationships around, even though the benefits are clear. In developing countries, ancient conception said that women should find a fixed career for their whole life to spend time taking care of the family and children.

In my opinion, I believe that experiencing various careers in our life helps ourselves realize what is really suitable for us besides benefits we can get above. In conclusion, it depends on private views whether a single career or several careers is better but each one has own special feature for people to consider.

Thanks for reading, please give some comments to support me. I'm so grateful
HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Jun 18, 2019   #2
Hi there,
I have some opinion about your essay, and I hope it helps.

1/ Grammar
...having many jobs in life seems to.... => Avoid using passive voice when it is unnecessary
- the dynamic, the motivation,... => perhaps you want to have a look at articles in your essay
- ....chose having.... => to choose + Obj + To - Inf; To choose sth/sb from/ between sth/sb.

2/ The content of the essay

- Introduction: Not sure about your introduction since you didn't write the question of the topic (Discuss both views, or advantages and disadvantages)
- I think you convey so many opinions in your paragraph and none of them is fully developed. For example, you mention experiences, money, soft skills, time-management, etc. You have plenty of ideas, and I think you should select one only and develop it by giving more detail about the information.

- You need to include examples in your writing to demonstrate your ideas, too.
- I don't think it's a good idea to put the opinion and conclusion in the same paragraph.
Dang Khoa 11 / 42  
Jun 18, 2019   #3
Remember that u should write the prompt of the essay so the readers can easily check and correct it for u. But as i can see from your essay, they could be " discuss ".

First, the layout is so wrong, your opinion should not be placed in the conclusion.
The intro is also wrong too, if this question is bout discuss and give your opinion, i think u should restate it in your introduction, i once have Maria fixed this so i always write like this when i meet this kind of question: "This essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own commentary", i think this is a good one because it is so brief, short, and simple but full of contents!

That's not all, your selection of choosing words for this essay is poor, there might some good words when u add in the example, but there are some words u dont fully understand it and u use it in your essay which make the readers confused like "receiving" and more.

DO NOT WRITE THIS WORD, EVER, NEVER WRITE THE WORD "thing", your score will be struck down so hard that even BIGGER than my capital words :), because it is BELOW than informal u know :V.

And if u want to achieve higher score, instead of using " a lot of ", "lots of", try some thing new and find it on Internet because what i gonna show u is not really qualified :): "tons of", "myriads", "many", "numerous" and so on.

Sorry if u feel too strict this in comment :), i was doing that for fun and of course TO MAKE U REMEMBER :V :D. Hope u do well in the next essay :).

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