EILTS Writing Taks 1 Hula Dancing in Hawaiian Culture
Hawaii islands are one of interesting places to visit in the world because they have original culture and beautiful landscape to see. However, their local dance, which is people well-known as Hula, is an entertainment that usually we watch in the television. Actually, there are contrastive origin form of classic and modern Hula that we can see today. Myth of Hawaii said originally Hula performed in front of an altar by Men and created to honor their god or goddess. The changing form occured in the eighteenth century as result of the interaction with European culture. Because of that, Hawaiian organized a cultural festival, which is consisted of hula competition, in the 1960s. The festival called the Merrie Monarch Festival that has become annual cultural event to attract more tourists again and seek to maintain their cultural heritage.
Let me give you some advice...
... in the world because
they have(of their) original culture ... Myth(Mythology) of Hawaii said that originally Hula performed (...) and created (or designed) to honor their ... Because of that(Therefore) , Hawaiian organized a cultural ...
your summarization skill are better...
You have a good summary
I have some corrections
... because they have originally culture and beautifully landscape to see.
... is an entertainment that usually
we people watched in the television.
... and modern Hula that
we people can see today. Because of that Thus, Hawaiian organized a cultural ...
Finally,The festival called the Merrie Monarch ...
You can added conclusion in the other of sentences.
Maybe there are several words are used twice, so you can change with the similar words.