Health and Diet - writing task

topic: Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, the world has been developing better and better. However, the development of the social life will insult in the number of individuals who are impacted on their health, such as working all nights, staying up late, not having breakfast, eating much junk food, etc... and I would like to give my ideas the following views.
First of all, a plenty of individuals provide information on being responsible for own health and diets. For example, as if our heath is not fit, we will lose all the things as money, family, and other relationships, so we are necessary to be aware of the importance of our health and not to depend heavily on the other ones. The health is crucial to us in society's developments. we should frequently focus on our own health and eat healthy food.
On the other hand, others suggested that governments should ensure that their individuals must have a healthy diet. For example, governments need to implement the surveys each person in their areas how to understand their issues currently. Furthermore, governments should communicate with citizens in the public speaking or the newspapers about the situations of their health so that they are able to recognize the importance of the healthy diet. In a result of being aware of and take the responsibilities of caring for the health which need to consider at least.
In conclusion, protecting our health is always vital to us. Health is the first one that we need to be referred to our life. I hope for my ideas supporting everyone recognizes the most important health in life.

You will more than likely receive a 4 band score for this type of writing. The work shows an inadequate English comprehension skill. A lack of proper English vocabulary knowledge, and an inability to clearly and coherently discuss the topic presented. The expected discussion format was not followed for the Task Accuracy section. The introduction paragraph, also known as the prompt paraphrase paragraph is not related in any way to the original presentation. Thus, the restatement is viewed as incorrect. The word usage was confusing in most of the essay. This was first seen as a problem for the writer when he stated: This led to the inability of the reader to clearly understand what the writer is trying to say.

While the essay did meet more than the minimum word count, the problems with coherence and lexical resource, as well as the lack of proper discussion format and relation to the original prompt are the main reasons that the essay will receive a failing score.

@Holt thanks so much, dear.