Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

Health problems of developed world (put the cause and solution)


phuongthao48 1 / -  
1 day ago   #1

today's lifestyle and its impact on health



Nowday,health problem such as obesity,diabetets and heart disease are becoming more widespread in parts of the developed word.this essay will look at some primary cause of this and some possible soluution to the problem.

There are a number of reasons for health problem of the developed world .the first reason ,people competition at work,stress at work,tired at work - hence no proper meal.Therefore they have an imbalanced diet.Most people usually ,eating too much fast food.This problem is harmful for health.Another reason is sedetary lifestyles.After work stress,people come back home relax by watching tv ,suft facebook,zalo,.. and child play video game.finally ,i think enviromental pollution is major cause health problem.Its do harm to individual's health as polluted air and water.As a consequence,this issue can increase the chance of getting concern and other diseases.

There are several action that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.Firstly ,people should control what they eat to make sure that they have a balanced diet.Beside,goverment ask ministry of health provide with basic knowledge about health to raise people's awaeness of the importance of health protection ,and show they what ways choose heathier food.secondly,combining with a healthy diet.peaple avoid passive lifestyle.we do not depend heavily on techonology.instead adults go to fitness clubs ,take regular exercise ,child take part in doing outdoor sports .Lastly,by common consent,polluted air and water is root cause of some diseases.so we should exert ourselves to protect our enviroment from being polluted more deeply,not just stay on propada.We can benefit from clean and hygeian habits ,such as non-smoking,non-alchonic,periodic cleaning for our places.

In conclusion ,there are various factors leading to the health problem of developed world should be inplemented.

k1k1k3 2 / 2  
1 day ago   #2
Im currently a learner as weel,hope my comments will help
+due to the competing environment at work,people often buying fast food in order to save them more time to rest.In other word,by absorbing these unhealthy nutritious daily,their body conditions will be deteriorated,thus,leading them to many severe consequences that cost them a life.(sentence 2)

+Another significant reason that contributed to this notion is that the office workers are usually not exercising enough meanwhile spending hours in front of the screen for entertaining and forming a sedentary living lifestyle.It is not exacerbated when saying that this living standard is the culprit of many diseases including excessive fat related problems.(sentence 3)

*According to my experience, two reasons is enough if you could develop throughout.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,291 2854  
1 day ago   #3
You cannot use a run-on sentence in the Task 2 essay and expect to get a passing GRA score. You need to break down your presentation into proper sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have at least 3-5 sentences per presentation. In the restated paragraph, you need to offer a breakdown that includes:

- The original topic for discussion in your own words
- The reason why this topic is being discussed
- A possible cause
- A possible solution
- A transition sentence (optional)

You did not provide such a paragraph formatted outline for this discussion. Additionally, you did not follow the proper English capitalization rules for the start of sentences. You uses lower case letters a few times at the start of a sentence. You also failed to properly use spacing between words. This resulted in compressed word presentations that appear to show a lack of regard for English grammar rules. Both errors will result in a failing GRA score for you.

You are using terms unfamiliar to the examiner in this essay. What is a zalo? You also used ellipses, which are never used in academic writing as that is a creative rather than academic writing tool. You do not use a capital "I" for the personal reference. There are just way too many grammar rule violations in your presentation for this essay to get a passing score.


Home / Writing Feedback / Health problems of developed world (put the cause and solution)