Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Health safety and budget - how important to the society - Ielts test

manjit809 5 / 14 2  
Nov 16, 2012   #1
Prevention is better that cure.
Out of country's health budget, a larger proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Since ages, health safety has always been a key concern for society. No doubt, huge amount of money is spent on health care to improve health standards, yet there is no substitute of health education and prevention. Needless to say that preventative measures can do miracle for ensuring good public health, if applied in a genuine and systematic manner and I am too, highly convinced with this idea.

The medical science, today, has made possible the cure to many fatal diseases like diabetes, cardiac problems, physical disorders, just to name a few. However, diagnosis and treatment required is a very expensive process, which is at far beyond the reach of common people. But a shift of government financial assistance towards bringing knowledge and preventative measures, can act a boon for public health and society itself.

An adequate awareness regarding causes and symptoms of illness, can help reduce the further risks involved. For instance the case of AIDS and Cancer. In practical terms, awareness campaigns including seminars and camps should be organizes at grass root level like in schools and other public places. In addition proper safety and protection aids should be made easily available. Regular free check-ups can reveal diseases in at early stages, thus, making treatment easy. Knowledge about balanced diets and keeping the surroundings clean can further play an effective role.

This idea of funds shift offers many genuinely positive outcomes. Primarily, extreme costs for hi-tech treatments will be reduced, relieving extra financial burden on families. Secondarily, overall health status will improve, bringing in more prosperity. Apart from this, money saved can be spent on other social welfare causes.

Eventually, health education and prevention is the best way to keep our society healthy, though a keen attention is required for actual implementation and balancing of these resources for public interest.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 16, 2012   #2
Since ages, health safety has always been a key concern for society.

substitute offor health

bringing knowledge

---------- building awarness - better usage - just a tip : )

should be organizesd

Good Job! .... Go and face it confidently; you do fine : )
OP manjit809 5 / 14 2  
Nov 16, 2012   #3
Thanks Dumi !!!

Yeah I got your corrections. :)

Plaese tell me if this this sort of writing will help in to notch a score of 7...??
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 16, 2012   #4
If I am the examiner, you can expect a better score :D

Well... you write really good. But pay attention to the required structure and time management. I guess you can go for a very good score. Just let yourself free from stress and don't think about the score. You need free thinking to come out with a nice piece of writing. You'll do fine at the exam. : )
OP manjit809 5 / 14 2  
Nov 16, 2012   #5
All I can say is THANKS A LOT for such motivation... really appreciatable.. thanks
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 16, 2012   #6
One more tip:

Since you have the exam tomorrow and practised quite well already, I think you should now take a break and stop writing new ones. Instead read the essays others have written on possible topics to pick up good points (this would help your speaking tasks as well). Try and relax as much as possible because that would be very helpful for you to deliver good answers tomorrow. That's why I suggested to stop writing new essays : )
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Nov 16, 2012   #7
Will this really help me to get a score of 7

I do not know, I am not an examiner. Different examiners would score your differently. I think this is a good work and in my opinion you can get the band score of 7. As Dumi said, do not think about the score since these thoughts just increase your stress level and do not help you.

Home / Writing Feedback / Health safety and budget - how important to the society - Ielts test