Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS - "Health is wealth " ; average weight of people is increasing


mottana 2 / 4  
Feb 20, 2014   #1
Hello
Can any one please correct my essay and give feed back. My exams are nearing I have to improve on essay writing.

. In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

"Health is wealth ". this is the simple quote known to everyone. After knowing this people are more careless about their health . obesity is one of the major problem in most of developing and developed countries. This problem can be seen in most of urban cities rather than rural places.

If we analysis the causes for the overweight, the first foremost reason will be the urban life style . People in cities are more towards mental stressed work than the physical strain work. The people in cities are not have control over their diet and food habits. People taking more junk food has increased drastically . The second reason is people spend more time in office and work and less time for exercise. We can also add traffic is also one of the reasons, people spend more time traveling to office and back home they will have less time to refreshment and physical workout. For discussion I want to give an illustration how the change in life style has caused my friend more weight. My friend was good at sports, when he was active in sports he had good health and maintained his weight but for his higher education he quit practice sport for a long time. There was a drastic change in his weight.

There are various measure to control over weight. Firstly we have to change our life style we should not concentrate only on work we should also spend time for exercise. Half an hour work out in morning will have lot of changes to the body. secondly we need to come out of luxury habits and need to led life in simpler ways. Most importantly we should have proper diet and good nutrition to the body.

With all above measures, good habits and balance between work and personal life we can reduce over weight and have good health.

erika17b 1 / 1  
Feb 20, 2014   #2
Overall it is a good essay, just go over and and capitalize some things, and maybe add your personal experience or what you do to stay healthy!
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 20, 2014   #3
. o besity

O capital

If we analysis the causes for the overweight , the first foremost reason will be the urban life style .

no verb

For discussion I want to give an illustration how the change in life style has caused my friend more weight.

I think this unnecessary

My friend was good at sports, when he was active in sports he had good health and maintained his weight but for his higher education he quit practice sport for a long time.

better you seperate in two sentences

Firstly, we have to change our life style we should not concentrate only on work we should also spend time for exercise.

secondly, we

S capital

With all above measures, good habits and balance between work and personal life we can reduce over weight and have good health.

verb ?
You should aware for simply things like punctuation and capital word in IELTS. I hope this helpful and good luck for the exam :)
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Feb 21, 2014   #4
"Health is wealth ". this is the simple quote known to everyone.

"Health is wealth " ; this is thea simple quote known to everyone.

After knowing this people are more careless about their health .

This sentence does not deliver much meaning to your introduction:
Pahan 1 / 1,908 553  
Feb 22, 2014   #5
If we analysisanalyse the causes for thebeing overweight, the first and f oremost reason will be the urban life style .

I too feel that you need to adopt a more appropriate structure for this task.
OP mottana 2 / 4  
Feb 22, 2014   #6
hello
Thank you for reviewing my essay.
I will consider your suggestions and improve my writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - "Health is wealth " ; average weight of people is increasing