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dohongphuong1504 2 / 2 1  
Nov 27, 2018   #1
Topic 2: Some people feel that healthcare provision should be free, while others believe that healthcare should be paid for by the individual. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

free healthcare service?

In these days, it is a matter of hot debate whether or not healthcare service should be provided free of charge. While many people argue that the government ought to cover all the necessary fees, there are others who voice their disapproval and say it is the citizens themselves who should settle the bill for such provision.

It is undeniable that people who support the idea of free healthcare provision have sensible reasons to hold onto their belief. First of all, it is a matter of fact that people pay tax annually for social services. According to one research conducted in Canada, an adult there has to pay approximately 10% of his average income for healthcare insurance. Therefore, the government should use the money they have collected by taxes in order to supply free healthcare service. Secondly, this method serves a higher moral purpose as it provides an equal opportunity for everyone to be examined and treated. There will no longer be any discrimination between the rich and the poor. Moreover, this will benefit low-income families extensively because it widens the chance to be cured of diseases and be able to keep up with the normal life again for them.

On the other hand, many people maintain that it is better to have healthcare provision paid by the individual. One of the most legitimate reasons for this is that it raises people's responsibility as well as awareness of the importance of their health. For instance, there are many people who do not take healthcare into serious consideration which results in their developing diseases and having to go to the hospital to seek advice and help from professional doctors. In this case, the fees they pay for such a service can be perceived as part of the consequence they have to bear for their negligence and underestimation of health. This will eventually make them come to the realization that by taking care of themselves properly, not only do they do better physically and mentally but they also save plenty of money, time and effort. Therefore, it will ultimately lead them to a healthier lifestyle.

In short, both methods show different valuable advantages. While free healthcare service benefits people in terms of fees and equality, paying for it helps to develop a sense of duty and awareness. In my view, I believe that every citizen should pay for this service individually.

Can anyone give some comments and feedback on this piece of writing? Thank you so much!!

nhancau12345 3 / 5 2  
Nov 28, 2018   #2
Hello, i am not a professional writer but i have some contributions to your essay:
It is undeniable that people who ... ->On one hand, because you use On the other hand in para 2 so that in terms of coherence you should use " On one hand".

First of all, it is a matter of fact that people ... In my opinion, you should use " In fact" simply because there are 250-270 words essay so that the conjunctions should be clear and to-the-point.

This is great essay. Good luck.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,107 3258  
Nov 28, 2018   #3
Phuong, first up, you wrote too many words. You will not be able to write these many words during the actual test. Always practice using a timer so that you will know exactly how many words you are capable of writing within the allotted time and still have a little time left over for the proofreading of your paper. Aim to write between 250-300 words at the most. 275 would be the best number to aim for in this type of timed discussion presentation.

Avoid redundant presentations that blur the discussion you are trying to present. Just say "Whether" rather than "Whether or not" because "Whether" is already indicative of a positive or negative choice to be made. Don't waste your word count with filler words such as "First of all" when simply saying "first" will be sufficient. Personally though, I would avoid counting out the reasons because these appear to be memorized reference words that will not help your score.

With regards to your punctuation mistakes. Please remember that a comma always comes after a conjunction such as when saying "... mentally but". It should be "... mentally, but" to indicate a change in discussion reference.

Your discussion is incomplete. You tried to pass of your personal point of view as a single line in the concluding paragraph. The personal point of view is always presented along with the public point of view discussion as the last paragraph before the concluding summary. Your personal point of view is under developed in terms of discussion presentation and as such, will pull down your C&C score as well as your TA considerations.

All of your discussion points are over the 5 sentence maximum. You are under discussing all of your presentations because you are using the 2 reasoning per paragraph format, which does not work very well for this sort of essay that has a 5 sentence maximum. A single topic per paragraph with a transition sentence at the end introducing the next reason would have helped your essay better because it would have helped increase your GRA score. Instead, you are presenting paragraphs that lack clarity in the discussion reasoning consideration. Aim for clarity in all your presentations. That is why you are told to use one topic per paragraph which you can explain in 3-5 sentences. That is the reason for it, clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion are required in order to pass this test.