healthy lifestyle - IELTS writing task 2
some people say that the government should ensure that people lead a healthy life, while others believe individuals should have their own choices. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The healthy lifestyle is important because it has a direct bearing on our dignity and well-being. Some people believe governments' regulations are needed to lead a healthy life, while others think it is a personal choice. From a personal view, I do not believe people will actively engage in it unless governments take some actions.
On the one hand, the authorities' requirements can increase the number of people who have a healthy lifestyle. In this case, governments are likely to conduct a series of restrictions on goods which have adverse impacts on people's health, such as imposing high taxes on alcohol and cigarettes. Some punishments may also be taken to prevent people from not doing exercise. As a result, an increasing number of people will join activities which can improve their health.
On the other hand, people should have rights to choose what kind of life they want to have because they can be happy in this way. People who have always been enjoying healthy fruits and vegetables will keep doing so. However, if governments put compulsory regulations on these people's life, they will suffer from massive pressure and may no longer enjoy the lifestyle that they used to have.
In my opinion, it is more important for governments to guide people about how to lead a healthy life. Many people may not aware of the dangers of bad living habits they are having at the moment. For example, office workers will do more outdoor activities if governments advertise a concept that sitting for a long time will reduce people's lifespan.
In conclusion, people can benefit the most from governments' advice on how to have a healthy life.
(278 words) Thank you for your advice in advance :0
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,173 3638
Nicoel, you did not properly represent the prompt discussion instructions in the prompt paraphrase although you discussed the opinions as instructed in the body of paragraphs. You should not have indicated a direct response because this is a comparative essay, not a direct question essay. Remember, comparative essays ask you to reintroduce the discussion instruction as based on your understanding. This is indicated by the requirement: "Discuss both views and give your own opinion". The proper instruction paraphrase for this is:
Based on a clear assessment of the two public beliefs regarding this discussion, I believe I will be able to develop an understandable personal point of view.
Or any variation thereof. What is important is that you indicate / outline how the discussion is to be presented in the reasoning paragraphs.
Now, I will admit that you did a good job in the discussion paragraphs lthough, I would have preferred that you did not use the memorized phrases yet again to kick off your first sentence in every paragraph. Using a topic sentence instead of "On the one hand" or "On the other hand" would better increase your GRA score because you are not using word fillers that do not really help to increase the interest or meaning of your paragraph. Try to use topic sentences next time that immediately tell the reviewer what the paragraph topic will be about.
Work on your concluding summary. That is not to be presented as a single liner at the end of the essay. Rather, it is supposed to remind the reader, or recap the discussion for the benefit of the reader. That is why the concluding summary always requires the following information:
1. A restatement of the discussion topic
2. 3 reasons as stated in the subject sentence paragraphs of the 3 body reasoning paragraphs
3. Closing sentence that reiterates the strength of your point of view
Properly rephrasing the concluding paragraph, in a manner similar to the original prompt will allow you to maximize your overall scoring potential. Don't waste the opportunity to increase your scoring possibility with every properly developed paragraph. Overall though, you have shown improvement in your relevant writing skills and you were able to meet a majority of the required discussion parameters in your presentation. I hope to see continued improvement with your forthcoming essays. Good job! Keep Writing, you can only get better at it.