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IELTS task 1: How heat is lost and energy wasted since the air circulation in a house

Pramudita 14 / 11 6  
Nov 1, 2015   #1
The diagram illustrates heat lost and energy wasted which are happened in a house due to the air circulation. Overall, it can be seen that the heat can lose since there are some ventilation making air gets into and out of the building.

There are three floors in the house. First, in the down stair, a dryer vent and crawl space create the air enter the house, while the windows in this floor causes outing the air from the construction.

Further, this building has three rooms in the second floor, an electrical outlet in toilet causes air leaving this house. Also, ventilation and windows in the middle room and kitchen have the same function making the air out through chamber.

Finally, in the top floor, a great deal of air out from several parts there (bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, recessed lights, and attic hatch). The air getting out of the building causes heat lost and energy wasted.

Ref: aireaseleaks.org

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 13, 2016   #2
@moderator: is this really a thread from 2015? Why does it become an unanswered thread?

Pramudita, the very first thing that you need to do is to recreate or rewrite your essay by considering a 3-sentence rule. You are suggested to write more than two sentences for each paragraph of your essay. The idea is to have the reader a complete understanding of the given picture. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. It is necessary for you to format your opening statement into at least three sentences below:

- The diagram illustrates... (1st sentence)
- Overall, it can be... (2nd sentence)
- There are... (3rd sentence)

Pay more attention and keep in your mind that each paragraph needs to have at least three sentences before it can be considered as acceptable by the examiner. One of the criteria in assessing this type of essay is Coherence and Cohesion. Creating only two sentences would only ruin the score of your coherence and cohesion part. The rest of your essay has the same issue. It still needs some changes.

2nd paragraph:
- To begin with, there are... (1st sentence)
- First,... (2nd sentence)
- Furthermore, this building... (3rd sentence)

3rd paragraph:
- Also, ventilation... (1st sentence)
- Finally... (2nd sentence)
- The air getting... (3rd sentence)
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
Dec 13, 2016   #3
Your paragraphs are too short to be considered an actual summary of the diagram that you were provided with. I do not see how you expect to present a proper summary overview with only 2 sentences used to give a short version of the process involved in air circulation and heat loss. The standard requirement falls under a minimum of 3 sentences so it would be to your benefit to always present the minimum number of sentences per required paragraph.

This is a fault that is consistent throughout your essay so you should make sure to correct that problem with your succeeding essays. It isn't hard to do. Just keep reminding yourself that each paragraph needs to show 3 sentences. Sometimes, simply dividing the statement of a single long sentence is enough to meet this requirement.

As a point of reference for your future work, I would like you to write the essay first and then refer to other student's work on this forum based on the same topic. Seek out the strongest points of the work of other students and then try to apply their strong points to your own work.

The topics written for the practice test do not change so seeing how those before you wrote their work will probably help you improve your work as well. Specially since the comments regarding the weak points of the original poster will be there for you to reference and correct in your current work, if you and the OP have the same problems with your written work that is. In your case, I believe that this will help you improve your writing tremendously.

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