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IELTS; 'our hectic schedule'; The need of music - Traditional Vs International


mariyuz 1 / -  
Mar 17, 2013   #1
Sir can u plz check my essay
Question: There are many different types of music in the world today, why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays??

Sir,as i am a new user and just now started to write essays as i am preparing for a ielts test..can u plz correct it for me ..thank u so much..

INTRO:music is an art .it produces rhythm to our life.in these technological era ,we need music to surmount our stress and tension.There are lot of view point for these,i would like to state that traditional music plays a pivotal role in every individual heart and mind.

BODY PARA: First and foremost traditional music denotes our culture and value of our country.for many joyful occasion like wedding and festivals most of the people prefer to play old traditional songs .it have its own beautifulness.traditional songs touches our heart and brings a love towards our country wherever we are.

Due to sea change in today's technology music languages and notes had been changed a lot but whatever change it brings to the music world there is no comparison to traditional music.it when heard soothes our ear and refresh our heart and soul.

i think in today mostly young generation prefer international music.they like hip hop type ,dancing according to its rhythm.today youth they are imitating European culture.

to put it in a nutshell everybody has his/her taste of music.it depends on them.bygone days people like traditional music whereas today youth international music .whatever music we play or listen it relax our stress and tension from our hectic schedule.

vijaypj 2 / 3 1  
Jan 28, 2015   #2
I am not sure about my correction. But I think in introduction - every individual's heart....
In body para 1 -it has its own beauty.
Excuse me if I am wrong. I just tried as I am new here.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Jan 29, 2015   #3
You have some serious issues with punctuation, please revise the essay before submitting it. When it comes the content itself, it is congruous, no major problems right there, but grammar it is another story. For instance, .it have s it when heard soothen this sentence does not make any sense.

Due to sea change in today's technology music languages and notes had ve been changed.
Good luck with the upcoming essays!


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