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IELTS 'helicopter model'; General test Writing Task 1: complaint letter


duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 3, 2014   #1
You have recently bought a toy over the internet. When it was delivered you have found some problems with it. Write a letter to the toy company manager and say

- Give details of the purchase.
- Describe the problem.
- What do you expect the company to do about it?


Dear Sir,
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction about a helicopter model that I bought from your website recently. The model of this helicopter is called eagle 2000.

Well, the main problem is the remote controller. Firstly, I failed to charge the remote controller. So I opened the back of controller, and found the battery of the remote controller is actually unchangeable. Because it just fixed into the controller and the shape of the battery is unique, I cannot find it in the any stores to replace the original one. Secondly, I found some small cracks on both of controller rod, which is really weird, because I have just bought it for about a week. In addition to this, the helicopter itself has a litter bit loss of paint.

I am very disappointed with such a low-quality product you made. And I require full refund, otherwise I will make a complaint to consumer protection association.

Your earliest response will be highly appreciated.

Yours Sincerely,
dritail 2 / 5  
Apr 3, 2014   #2
You should try reading over your own work first before trying to have other people comment on it. For example, "week age" does not makes sense so i'm assuming it's a typo and you meant "week ago". There are also some awkward sentencing which ultimatly comes down to sentence structure. For example, the sentence starting with "I suppose...".
codeblue 5 / 9 1  
Apr 4, 2014   #3
10 years old birthday
omit *old

make your sentences longer. you could have combined the two sentences to one using conjunctions
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 5, 2014   #4
I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction about a helicopter model I bought from your website a week age.

You need to give some reference that can help those guys to trace your order. You need to do this in the first line or two itself. Quote your purchase reference, date and the model you purchased.

I'm copying the following notes which I found in another website thinking that it would be useful for you for this task;

IELTS Letter Writing Tips -
10 Ways to Get Higher Marks on the IELTS Letter Writing Task
1. Identify the type of letter you are being asked to write. Is it a formal, semi-formal or informal letter? The entire tone of your letter is based on your answer to this question. Adjust your style and choice of words according to the type of letter you have been asked to write.

2. Open and close the letter correctly.Remember that each type of letter requires a different opening and closing. The chart below will help you remember this:

Style Characteristics Opening Ending
Formal To someone you have not met, whose name you don't know Dear Sir / Madam Yours faithfully
Semi-
formal To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know & use Dear Mr Brown,
Dear Ms Stone Yours sincerely
Informal To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use Dear John
Dear Anita Best regards
Warm wishes
3. Open a formal and semi-formal letter with a formal sentence. Don't try to be friendly, as you do not know the person you are writing to. Get right down to business and indicate the reason you are writing, as shown below:

Dear Sir / Madam,
I am writing to inquire about / I am writing in connection with...
Dear Mr Jones,
I am writing to inform you ... / I am writing in connection with...
4. Open an informal letter with a general, friendly paragraph. With friends whom we know, we care about the whole person. We have a broader relationship in the context of which this communication is taking place. So it is best to acknowledge that friendship first, before getting down to the reason for your letter. In fact, the first paragraph could be purely friendly small talk, unrelated to the reason for your writing. Look at the example below:

Dear Jane
I hope you and your family are all well. It was such a pleasure to see you again last summer. We sure had a great time catching up with each other after so many years. You have always been a cherished friend, no matter how much of a gap there has been since we met.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that I have some good news - I am getting married this summer...
5. Identify the main purpose of the letter. Are you asking for help, apologizing, inviting someone, complaining or thanking someone? Learn appropriate and polite expressions that will support what you need to say.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 5, 2014   #5
thanks for you help indeed,
I will try rewrite it again!!!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 5, 2014   #6
Pay attention to the use of various tenses in this letter
Statement:

have recently bought

it was delivered

you have found

Task:

Give details

Describe the problem

do you expect

Overall, you are being asked to use Present simple, Present continuous, Present perfect, and Future.

For the next letters, try to construct the paragraphs into:
Para 1: Opening
Para 2: Give details of the purchase.
Para 3: Describe the problem.
Para 4: What do you expect the company to do about it?
Para 5: Closing

Hope this helps :D
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 6, 2014   #7
Well, others have given you loads of great advice and I don't have much left for me to comment about :D So, let me do some editing for you;

The main problem was basically onwith the remote controller of the helicopter. I suppose the batteries are out of power. (stop here) When I checked controller, andI found t he batteries isare irreplaceable. I tried to recharge the battery, but it still did not work. In addition, I found a small crack on the one of the controller rods.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 6, 2014   #8
Hope this helps :D

thank you eddies, it's really helpful!

The main problem was basically on with the remote controller of the helicopter.

thanks Pahan!
I will try to practice more.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 6, 2014   #9
Pahan

dumi

eddies

I wrote a new one, can you guys check it out and give me some advices? thanks!
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 7, 2014   #10
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfactioninform you about athe defect I found in the toy helicopter model thatwhich I bought from your websitepurchased online through your website on the ????? (date) with purchase reference Heli001.recently. The model reference of this helicoptertoy is called eagle 2000.

When you are lodging a complain, you need to give specific details to them to find what you have purchased.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 7, 2014   #11
Salutation

Dear Sir,

Dear Sir or Madam,

- Give details of the purchase:

The model of this helicopter is called eagle 2000.

This needs more details.
Tell the color, the specific size and weight of this item
When did you buy it?
How much does it cost?


- Describe the problem: I see you have explained this area very good, but the points you covered are too much.

- What do you expect the company to do about it?

I am very disappointed with such a low-quality product you made.

I think this is not the part of the point.

Closing: Yours faithfully + full name
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 7, 2014   #12
When you are lodging a complain, you need to give specific details to them to find what you have purchased.

OK, thanks dumi, sometime I just have no idea how to write the opening.

Tell the color, the specific size and weight of this item
When did you buy it?
How much does it cost?

thank you eddies, you always give me a lot of details, really appreciate it!!!
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 7, 2014   #13
Well, the main problem is the remote controller.

Sound more formal because you are writing to a company to complain about a problem. So this letter is under the formal category. Have a look at dumi's notes above.

Well, the main problem is the remote controller. Firstly, I failed to charge the remote controller. So I opened the back of controller, and found the battery of the remote controller is actually unchangeable.

I guess the problem is with the remote controller. First, I was unable to charge the battery.

I am very disappointed with such a low-quality product you made. And I require full refund, otherwise I will make a complaint to consumer protection association.

This sounds that you are very angry. You can be angry, but you can present your dissatisfaction and anger in a more professional way :D

I am compelled to express my disappointment over this purchase. I do not wish to opt for any replacements for this toy, but I request you to make a full refund to me.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 7, 2014   #14
thanks Pahan,
finally, after all your great help:

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to inform about the defects I found in the toy helicopter model which I purchased online through your website on 14/04/2014. The model of this toy is called eagle 2000.

First of all, I was unable to charge the remote controller's battery. And after I opened the back of remote controller, I found the battery of the remote controller is actually unchangeable, because it just fixed into the controller. Secondly, I found some small cracks on both of controller rod, which is really weird, because I have just bought it for about a week and only played it for a couple hours. In addition to this, the helicopter itself has a litter bit loss of paint.

I am compelled to express my disappointment over this purchase. I do not wish to opt for any replacements for this toy, but I request you to make a full refund to me. Otherwise I will make a complaint to consumer protection association.

Your earliest response will be highly appreciated.
Yours Sincerely,
XXX XXX (179 words)


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