Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Need some help in Ielts writing task 1: Essay of bar graph (about sales of digital games)


lucas xavier 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2016   #1
thuyed.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/6a0120a5bb05d8970c01a3fcfb7a46970b.jpg

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.

The bar graph compares the worldwide earnings of many kinds of digital games (cell phone games, online games, console games and handheld games) from 2000 to 2006. As can be seen from the graph, except for console games's figure, all of them increased throughout the period.

From an overall perspective, the income of handheld games always stood at the head of the graph with almost 12 billion dollars in 2000 and approximately 18 billion dollars at the end of the duration. Nevertheless, console games's revenue experienced a decreased throughout the years. In 2000, the figure belonging to this was half of that of handheld games; however, it was just about one sixth of handheld games's sales in 2006.

We can also see that mobile phone games and online games were not sold in 2000. The next year saw a minor rise in the earnings of online games whereas nothing happened to mobile phone ones, after which, they went up. In 2006, the incomes reached around 7 billion dollars and 9 billion dollars for mobile phone games and online games, respectively.

ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 14, 2016   #2
hallo lucas...
i'd try to correct your essay

As can be seen from the graph...
in this sentence you missed its subject

so, i suggest this:
As it can be seen from the graph,

actually, it is a good essay.
good luck


Home / Writing Feedback / Need some help in Ielts writing task 1: Essay of bar graph (about sales of digital games)