Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Writing Feedback   Posts: 2

Help with my essay on U.S. and covert policies

cynthia24 1 / -  
Feb 20, 2008   #1
Hi I need help with my essay. I did a draft and submitted to my teacher. He responded with notes and I dont know how to fix my essay. Here is my essay


Teacher notes are:

(This is the very last line of your second draft: "This money that is being spent on the war is needed urgently for healthcare and our schools." This should be presented in the first ś as the alternate thesis. Whereas Hendriksen and Goldberg want to suggest that US foreign not self-destructive but instead right and necessary, you can argue your position on proper government focus instead. This is a point many drafts seem to be missing so far: everyone needs to argue their own opinion on the topic, not simply summarize the readings. For the second ś, refute several short quotes from both Hendriksen and Goldberg, explaining why the money for what they suggest should be better spent on what you believe needs to be done instead. )

My essay
Blowback Is Real

In his 2001, Oct 15 article The Blowback Myth: How bad history could make bad policy. Thomas Henriksen wrongly accuses Chalmers Johnson of stating that the U.S covert policies were causes of a Blowback legacy. In his book; Nemesis Chalmers Johnson has stated many reasons, with detailed events of how the U.S. covert policies have brought upon acts of payback.

Thomas Henriksen believes that Blowback is a myth and that Chalmers Johnson states that the many innocent Americans that died in September 11, 2001 deserved their fate due to acts of payback against the U.S. Thomas Henriksen believes that Chalmers Johnson is wrong. Thomas Henriksen has misunderstood the statements that Chalmers Johnson has predicted. Chalmers Johnson In his book Nemesis states many reasons that our U.S. covert policies would one day haunt us. The U.S. has commited many acts against other countries, individuals. With a logical point of view. The attack of the U.S. was inevitable. Chalmers Johnson does not believe that innocent Americans deserved their fate. Chalmers Johnson believes that U.S. covert policies are to blame. Unfortunately Blowback is now real.

After the 9/11 attacks Chalmers Johnson, evaluates the various groups that had reason to attack the U.S. First in 1953, there was the overthrow of the Iranian Revolutionist and Islamic fundamentalists; The Ayatollah Khomeini. The U.S. installed predecessors of the current Anti- American government in Iran. This was one of the first ventures into illegal clandestine regime change. The U.S also recruited, armed and sent into battle Islamic Mujahideen in Afghanistan against The Soviet Union in the 1980's. Another group that had reason to attack the U.S. Chileans because of the date September 11, 1973. On this date the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), secretly helped general Augusto Pinochet overthrow Salvador Allende, president of Chile. Another group that had cause was Okinawa's, venting their rage over the sixty year occupation of their island by our military. This is only a few individuals that have been affected by the U.S. covert policies. The U.S. still has a chance to reprimand some of the many mistakes it has made.The U.S. is spending huge amounts on a war in Iraq that could have been prevented. Now each day that passes we are in serious danger of bankrupcy.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,733  
Feb 20, 2008   #2

One thing I think your essay is lacking is focus. It's difficult to tell what your thesis really is. For example, you mention bankruptcy for the first time in the last sentence; prior to that, there is no indication that you disagree with America's foreign policy because of budgetary reasons. What you need is a thesis statement that takes a position on U.S. foreign policy, and then uses statements by the authors to support or argue against that position. For example, "The U.S. is spending huge amounts of money on a war in Iraq that has made our country less safe than it was before the war. The government needs to fix America's failing school system before it wastes money on a counter-productive war that no one wants." That would be an example of a thesis where you take a position on policy. The rest of your essay would then include information that supports your thesis, including, as your teacher said, quotes from the authors' works.

I hope this helps!


Sarah, EssayForum.com

Home / Writing Feedback / Help with my essay on U.S. and covert policies