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Can you help evaluate this essay" What is the future of higher education?"

kdennison 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2017   #1

questions about future of schooling

The way the economic and politics has change we are left with no choice to ask what is the future of education? Will the rate of colleges become more affordable? The drop out rate of community college has hit a crisis , the drop out rate among this population are extremely high and the economic and social benefits of completion are extensive.

Complete College America stated, less than 30% of students who enroll full-time in community college complete an associate's degree in three years. The Completion rates are especially low for minority, low-income, and older students. Just 7.5% of African American students, 11.1% of Hispanic students, 11.8% of low-income students, and 14.4% of students over the age of 25, enrolled full-time, complete a 2-year associate's degree in 3 years. Part-time students complete at even lower rates, with just over 2% of African American students, 2.6% of Hispanic students, and 4.3% of low-income students completing an associate's degree in 3 years. Graduating from college can become difficult; careful study, concentration, and long-term commitment are required to obtain a degree. This can set students up for failure and in turn students will struggle to complete their degrees. Community college students enter college unprepared or under-prepared for the academic rigor of college level work. Some students will have to test into certain classes in order to take the classes they need to finish their degrees. If they cant meet /pass with the required percentage they will have to take remedial courses, which will can be considered a roadblock to credit-bearing classes and college completion. Others become lost in the choices of majors, lectures, and high cost.

Over 67% of African American students, 58% of Hispanic students, and 64% of low-income students pursuing a 2-year degree require remediation. More students are attending college the attendance rate have increased from 49% in 1972 to 69% in 2005. but many student still going to college without the expectations they will need to excel. There is a lack of communication between high schoolers and what to expect going further with post secondary education. It sets the students up for failure and not only wasted their time and money taking remedial classes to fill up the gaps of the knowledge they lack or should have learn while spending four years in high school . Because of having this lack of academic preparation taxpayers will be basically paying twice for the same education that should have been taught and learn in high school acquiring a strong academic foundation prior to college is needed to a students successful admission to college and with the assurance of not having to take remedial classes . With the average rate of 50% of students entering A two year college are required to take remedial classes report by complete college america. Another factor that college students drop out because of no having the financial means to pay for it. According to the college board the average annual tuition at a public , two-year college in the 2010 to 2011 school year was 2,713. That price does not include the cost of books, housing, food etc. with further research thats an estimated $15,000 per year. and not to mention the changes to the federal pell grant award was shortened from 18 semesters to 12 semesters with these changes implemented in 2012 accruing to the association of community college trustee its expected to impact 63,000 pell grant recipients. A change this dramatic is truly detrimental for community college student since pell grants cover a high portion of a college student tuition most students will to attend part-time because they will have to get a job to be able to pay for college which could make it stressful and lead to them not completing and ultimately dropping out or failing to enter college. According to the study conducted for the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, working and going to school simultaneously is the number one reason students provided when asked why they left school. In fact, 60% of community college students work 20 hours a week, and 25% work 35 hours a week. The stress of going to college while working is often too much, causing students to drop out before completing their degree.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,505 2953  
Dec 22, 2017   #2
kayaD, try to improve the presentation of your thesis statement. At the moment, it appears that there are two unrelated topics poised for discussion in the essay. Before you present these questions, you should first give an overview of the economic situation of students and the political discussion behind it that creates the non-affordable scenario for college education. Presented in that manner, you will create an impressive and analytical opening presentation for your later thesis statements.

In order to create an authoritative essay, you need to cite at least 4 sources for this typed of presentation. Using only one source limits your discussion scenario and creates a bias essay. In order to portray an evenly researched and accurately informed discussion, various sources of information are required. The more your sources, covering various aspects relevant to the given discussions, the more convincing your presentation and discussion becomes. At the moment, the essay feels like it isn't ready to defend itself in a public forum for discussion because it uses information from only one source. It creates a weak presentation and little informed presentation.

Your second paragraph is strong but needs to be reversed in presentation so that the basis of the data comes before the data itself. Create a foundation before you inform the reader. So first, you have to discuss how difficult it is to complete a college education then, after that, present the percentages of graduates and drop outs.

As for the 3rd paragraph, you need to break it up into 2 more paragraphs. It is too long and difficult to follow. You should know where to cut the essay into another paragraph. I'll leave that decision up to you. By the way, don't start and sentence with the connecting word "Because". There is no prior thought consideration to connect so, based on academic writing rules, using the term at the start of the sentence is misplaced and not required.
OP kdennison 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2017   #3
thanks so much for the feedback this rewrite will be more easier now.

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