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Need help in evaluating my Analytical Writing. GRE

shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Jun 9, 2013   #1
will you kindly evaluate the essay I have written?

Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

There are a myriad of problems plaguing humanity. However, humanity has always been able to solve such probelms
come out ahead. From my perspective, problems are like weeds. When one weed is uprooted and eradicated, another one simply sprouts up.
And simply uprooting weed after weed offers no permanent solutions to the weed probelm. Similarly, whenever we solve one problem, another
one simply sprouts up. As such, although governments should focus on fixing the problems of today, the metaphorical uprooting of the weed,
They should also try to fix anticipated problems of the future.

Let us consider the Environmental situation. In Europe, In the last decade, various forms of polluiton, river, air etc. have casued Flora
to decay and cause certain species of animals to go into near extinction. In order to combat the environmental problems, the European Union
Commissioned a Green tax, which made companies pay a singificant lump sum of cash for relaesing a certain volume of pollutatns into the atmosphere. AS

a further precaution, various research institutes were asked to come up with solutions to the environmental problems, which ultimately led to the
invention of the hybrid gas-electricity engine and the creation of filters which sequester solid pollutants from the gas released due to
manufacturing processes.These did contribute to the betterment of the environment. However, it led to the unanticipated rise in prices of certain
products and services, such as the rising prices of airline tickets, which caused smaller airline companies to go bankrupt. At the same time, due to rising

taxes (A significant portion of European families own a car), the standard of living of a number of families fell. If the Union had spent time

solving the price rise problem, the current condition of Europe would have been better now.

Another example can be taken from the great depression in the 1920s, when almost 70% of the world population lived below the poverty line. The great

depression rose from the US Governments imposition isolationism and the protection of local industries against foreign competition. Althogh the initial
problem was the protecting the local companies against foreign ones. Local companies were heavily subsidised were high import tariffs were imposed on
foreign products in the market. US companies enjoyed the protection of the government. However, when US companies overproduced on a large scale, the
market system crashed and comapnies went bankrupt, people went into unemployment, struggling very hard to earn two pennies a day. Therefore, this example
demonstrates the dangers of solely focusing on present problems without keeping check on what problems may arise in the future.

It is true that present problems require the attention of the government, it is also very important to maintain a balance between the problems of the

present and the problems that may arise in the future. At the end of the day, it is important to remember that a soltuion to a single problem does not

come in one step, whether it be science and technology, the law and the economy, and so on.

jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 9, 2013   #2
There are some minor grammar and usage problems, but the main issue here is that you're giving us more of a history lesson than an analysis of the issue.

I like how you acknowledge the opposing point of view, but your own point of view needs more elaboration.
OP shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Jun 9, 2013   #3
Many Thanks. Out of six, how would you rate the essay?
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 9, 2013   #4
This is a four.

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