TOEFL-help from the government is often not necessary

Hi, it is my first post.
Hope someone could give me suggestions.
Thank you very mcuh.

Most people can solve the important problem in their lives by themselves or help from their families; help from the government is often not necessary

Most of the time, ourselves or our families help us to figure out the problems we meet. Some people might really rely on their families because they consider families are their permanent backup and can provide mental support. Whereas others consider that government is useful because government can provide them services that families usually cannot offer such as legal help and financial aid. From my perspective, the help from government is necessary.

One thing that the government can help is legal matters. Government protects minority groups and those who meet problems that are related to their rights and are perplexed. Government provides public legal consultation. The service fee it charges is much cheaper than those charged by private organization. Besides, the law is set for standing for justice; hence it will provide us legal protection. Take my aunt for example. She had domestic violence and did not know what to do. She consulted with public legal consultation and got protected afterwards. It is the things that our family cannot deal with. Government, however, assists us not only in saving money but also in getting legal protection.

Secondly, the government also provides financial aids. It provides subsidies for people who have low income level and for unemployment. Moreover, government helps people who are suffered when there is natural disaster. Take my friend for example. My friend's house collapsed during 921 Earthquake, which earthquake magnitude scale is 7.3. At that time she and her family had no place to live and no food to eat. However, government not only provides them food and places but also subsidies to rebuild their houses.

To sum up, legal matters need specialty which everyone cannot afford easily. Minority group needs protection. People who are suffered need subsidy. We usually cannot solve these problems by ourselves or the help from our families but government has the ability to assist and this is one of the reasons that why government exists. All in all, the assistance of government is often necessary.

Nina

1.Most of the time, ourselves or our families----> we or our families...
2...because they consider families are their permanent backup and can provide mental support ---> consider / regard them as... and mental support.
3.The service fee it charges is much cheaper than those charged by private organization---> you should notice that the service fee and those should be in parallel form.

4.Take my aunt for example. She had domestic violence and did not know what to do-----> For example/ For instance, my aunt...
5. It provides subsidies for people who have low income level and for unemployment ---> for the unemployed...
6. Moreover, government helps people who are suffered when there is natural disaster---> suffered from natural disaster / catastrophe.
7. Take my friend for example. My friend's house collapsed during 921 Earthquake, which earthquake magnitude scale is 7.3 ---> you should not use the way of such expression as take...example then end with a point. / whose magnitude scale...

Good luck!

Hi

thank you for the correction.
it helps me a lot.

but i have a one question.
i googled and a guy said that it is ok to write "take me for example."

so.. it's fine or not?
thank you

of course you can but in formal and professional writing, you should avoid using short sentence without a full structure in a typical way. In other test such as SAT, this can be regarded as a mistake for essay.