Ielts-how to help poor countries?

Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

52
Although people's living standard has been improved exponentially in the past mellennia,there are still some countries with the majority of their people living under the poverty line. It is suggested that offering financial support to those areas is futile. We'd rather find alternative types of assistance. However, I disagree with this statement.

99
It is understandable that why many people hold this view. For one thing, given that financial resources are more likely to address urgent problems such as food scarcity and shortage of dwellings, their impacts on a country's development can hardly last long. In contrast, other means of aid which include sending specialists to recipent countries and donating them advanced machines can contribute to more sustainable development,and it is the continuty that guarantee a country's well-being. For another, it is possible that domestic politicians may fail to allocate the money effectivly or they may embezzle it themselves,leading to great losts.

100
Nevertheless, financial aid also plays an inevitable role in revitalizing a region.It is true that this method can only alleviate the most immediate hazards. However,if those problems can not be curbed,people's survival will be jeoperdized,let alone thriving in society.For example,if a country is too poor to provide sufficient food to feed its citizens,their health condition can not be garanteeded,which causes the shrink of labour force. No matter how much professional experience a country can learn from others and how much cutting-edge techonology it possesses, lacking people to utilize those resources, this country is impossible to extricate itself from a plight.

26
As a conclusion,granted that other means of helping impoverished areas have more advantages than financial aid,the paramount role financial funding plays should not be overlooked.

Any one can give me some suggestion about this essay? I still think my last paragraph is too short,do you have any idea about it?

Thanks a lot

Thanks a lot.I have one more question, is it possible for me to change the first sentence in the second paragraph:
Admittedly, compared to other means of aid,financial aid suffers from several defects.

Hi lynnyang

As far as I'm concerned, first thing you nessd to take care of is your grammar and sentence sructure.

Good luck with your exam.

By the way, if possible, could you have a look at my post as well. let me know what you think of my writing.