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help revise wording or grammer, about aero-model


connan0702 2 / 4  
Oct 31, 2009   #1
In the National College Students Innovative Projects organized by the Ministry of Education, June 2008, our team established the project named "Design and Production of Load Aero-model and Electric Aero-model" under the guidance of our instructor. By using the drawings of aircraft models designed by CAD (Computer Aid Design), we verified the structural strength of the model components through FEA (Finite Element Analysis). By taking full advantage of the mechanical properties of different materials, we enhanced the strength of the model and improved the structure of the fuselage, so as to achieve flying stability and flexibility of the aero-model. During the project, I was mainly responsible for the wing design and production, the assembly of the control system, the simulation and finite element analysis of the wings, and on this basis, the structural improvement.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Nov 2, 2009   #2
Wow, very impressive.

you started 2 sentences with "By." How about this for the second one:
We took full advantage of the mechanical properties of different materials, and this enabled us to enhance...

I suggest a short sentence at the beginning so the reader is not hit hard right away with all the info. Omit "June 2008" as an unnecessary detail that taxes the reader's attention.


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