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IELTS ESSAY2: helping of wealthy countries to poor ones

hadi1981 25 / 44  
Jun 27, 2012   #1
Hi all,
I would appreciated every one helping and Thanks in advanced for this one also

Best regards

The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries seems to be increasing. How can we reduce this gap? Do you think that developed countries have a duty to assist developing countries in every way?

Cooperation is an essential force that shaped life in our earth. Many people think that wealth communities have to assist poor ones to improve their lives, in addition to let them raise their levels and follow the modern societies. I vigorously agree that fortune countries have an honored option to help undeveloped ones and improving their people circumstances.

First of all, helping poor countries will improve their economic status and the educational levels of the people should be raised, consequently, these countries could be able to combine with the invention and globe development soon. This help will decrease the knowledge gap between wealthy and poor countries, therefore, new talents people could be born who are needed to developing creature.

Secondly, improving poor countries circumstances will help to get rid of bad things. For example poor places are suitable for dirty environment that is proper for bacteria and diseases to be triggered. Crimes are much more in this communities because people there can do anything to survive. As a result, bad habits are not instincts to be accepted but they are acquired from unhealthy environment, in contrast the opposite is correct and where the healthy environment available then good habits and people would be there.

In conclusion, our world needs cooperation of all its populations to be in good healthy shape. Competition and selfishness should not be the only force that shaped life on earth. People are needed to given same opportunity of knowledge and living circumstances to grow up well.

land1111 5 / 12  
Jun 27, 2012   #2
you did answer all the question of this topic and your essay look like no long enough.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 27, 2012   #3
Cooperation is an essential force that shaped life and instill harmony in our earth (the world- sounds good to me)

yes... world sounds better here because it goes well with the topics such as economy, finance, social etc. while the word earth is mostly used with the topics relating to biology, geology, echo system etc.

in addition to let them raise their levels and follow the modern societies

specify what levels e.g. economic standards

I vigorouslystrongly agree

globe development

global development
Slim shady 12 / 27  
Jun 27, 2012   #4
i completely concur with deepakbaniya. the first paragraph of the body part need to be rewritten.

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