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The hidden light of Afghanistan (TED Summary)


fauzankrn 16 / 23 3  
Sep 27, 2016   #1
Afghanistan people were suffering from Taliban tribe for this almost two decades. Million people died and deportated have successfully spend most of citizens in this country. However, the people do not lose their humble and kind hearted behind of the destruction. They still share their tea, breads and prayer to other people even foreigner that come to their country. From the portraits we can feel the sadness, sacrifices and struggle of people who always ready to attacked by Taliban in front of their doors. It is very emotional to watch them heal their pain and hunger by opium. Thank you Ms. Bulaj to share us the hidden light of Afghanistan.

Source: TED
fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Sep 27, 2016   #2
Helo fauzan
I will try to give you some suggest

Million people died and deportated (typo deported) have successfully spend most of citizens in this country (your sentence is unclear, you can give more explanation ; if you use "and", you have to use equivalent word, died people cannot spend their life in the country like deported people, my suggestion is you can make another sentence instead to explain the deported people for example The survivors spent their whole life in this country or in Afganistan).

... lose their humble and kind hearted (this sounds little bit strange, maybe you can use another word like feeling or characteristics) behind (maybe you can use another word like after) of the destruction. They still share their tea, breads (pieces of bread ) and prayer (tea, bread and prayer are not equivalent, use another word or close the sentence and make another one instead to explain prayer ) to other people even foreigner that come (came ) to their country.

... and struggle of people who (that ) always ready to (be) attacked by Taliban ...
Thank you Ms. Bulaj to share us (for sharing us ) (about ) the hidden light of Afghanistan.

Good Luck :)
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Sep 28, 2016   #3
...... tribe for thisthese almost two decades.

Million people died and deportated have successfully ... = due to millions people died and deportated, the number of citizens in this country has really dwindled.

However, the people[repetition of people. try to use another similar words or pronouns to avoid using same word several times]do not lose their humble and kind hearted behind of the destruction. = however, that massive destruction does not cause Afganistan denizens lost their humble and kind hearted character

..... other people even foreignerS that come to their country.
From the related portraits [need comma] we can feel the sadness, sacrifices and struggle of peoplethose who always ready to get attacked by Taliban ...

at all, you still need to pay attention on some minor errors like singular/plural issue. effectively use pronouns to avoid repetition, and concern about the meaning or function of your sentence so it will deliver appropriate understanding toward readers. good luck
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Oct 4, 2016   #4
Helllo my frined
I will try to give you some comments

Afghanistan people were suffering from Taliban tribe for ... >> Afghanistan people have been attacked by Taliban for almost two decades.

Million people died and deportated have successfully spend most of citizens in this country >> ... and deported people have sucessfully spent most of the time in this country

They still share their tea, breads and prayer to other people even ... >> they still share goods and bevarages even to people who have not met with

Keep Writing...


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