High-rise apartment, the cause of community spirit decreasing - IELTS 2

Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in houses.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Where people live determines their social sensitivity. Most people argue that a person who lives in a multi-storey apartment has a better sense of society than who lives in a house because the distance between two flats is very close. However, I strongly believe that such accommodation decrease their social spirit since they only care about the neighborhood in the same floor.

The short gap between one door to another door of high-rise apartment can make people more sociable. They will not feel lonely because they can greet and talk to other tenants. It can be seen at one of flats in Jakarta city. The occupants claim that they have an intensive interaction with their neighbors. The short distance between the rooms makes them easier to see and know each other. It shows that people still have a community spirit although they live in a tall tower.

Nevertheless, the sense of socializing had the major degradation because the activities done in such apartment make them only knowing the denizens who live in the same floor, especially in apartment which have elevators. A study done by a team of state university reveals that most people who live in a multi-storey accommodation only go out when they have affairs and walk directly to the escalator because some reasons such as in hurry or others. As a result, they have less time to communicate with their neighbors moreover who live in other floors. It is clear that such building can make the sense of community declining.

In conclusion, it is evident that people who live in high-rise apartment are easy to loss their society spirit. It is better if the occupants of such accommodation allocate their particular time to socialize with others.

I think this sounds great! Perhaps instead of the sentence "The short distance between rooms makes them easier to see and know each other" it sounds a little awkward as is, maybe try something like "The short distance between rooms allows the tenants to get to know each other."

Just a suggestion, overall I think your argument is clear and well put. :)

... especially in apartment which have HAS elevators.

A study done by a team of state university reveals that most people who live in a multi-storey accommodation only go out when they have affairs and walk directly to the escalator because some reasons such as in hurry or others . As a result, they have less time to communicate with their neighbors moreover who live in other floors . It is clear that such building can make the sense of community declining.

Please read your paragraph carefully, your example was not clear.
Why you put 'hurry' as the reason? What was the 'others' means? There was no explanation about your argument.