Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


High salaries for some individuals - discussion essay.


luna21 2 / 1 1  
Jun 28, 2019   #1

people's earnings - some are extremely high



In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are countries that have a minority of individuals who earn very lucrative salaries. It is believed by some that this can be beneficial for the nation, whereas others consider that the government ought to monitor how much a person can earn. This essay will analyze both sides of the discussion and explain why I side with the former statement.

On the one hand, first, the government should ensure that the county's wealth is distributed among all its inhabitants. This is because, it would bring more equality. And second, capping high salaries will prevent the rich from gaining unfair control over certain aspects of society. For example, in my hometown, the wealthy have a monopoly over the metro system. As a result, those with smaller bus companies have restrictions as to which areas of the city they can allow their buses to transit, and this, of course, is unfair and unjust.

On the other hand, I believe that those highly skilled individuals deserve a profitable salary. The reason for this is because they bring progress to the country and the more you incentivize them the harder they will work. For instance, an engineer can create the latest technology and that way expand business relations abroad, thus bringing more money to the territory. Additionally, providing the people with a high income can deter them from committing crimes. By a way of illustration, the underprivileged might be tempted to steal from the privileged and this can lead to greater crimes like murder in the attempts.

In conclusion, even though being strict with the people's earnings is non-discriminatory, I consider that having a higher salary is more favorable for the country's welfare.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 28, 2019   #2
@luna21
Hello.

Firstly, the structure of your essay needs more work. Tinker and tamper with the body paragraphs. Notice how you have difficulty transitioning between your words. I suggest trying to stick more with simpler content as this will help you create more substance while still evading potential mistakes in the long-run. Having this directed focus will help you create more dynamism in your writing.

Focusing on a more organic and dynamic writing style will help you curate a more informative (ergo academic) writing for your essay.

Observe this revision:

On the one hand, first, ... ensure that the ... its inhabitants the equitable distribution of wealth. This is because, it would will bring more equality. And s Secondly, capping high ... control over certain aspects of in society.

Working with smaller chunks will help you create more space for a dynamic discussion, causing you to have more hold over the writing that you have. Try to also use more appropriate examples. Say, for instance, the monopolization example in the second paragraph could be replaced by an example on how profit-oriented companies tend to deprive their lower-class employees of the privilege of substantial information because they feed on this inequality in the system.

Best of luck in your writing as always. Keep in mind these comments.


Home / Writing Feedback / High salaries for some individuals - discussion essay.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳