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IELTS : The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of ads

uhanna 1 / -  
Jul 1, 2013   #1
I would be very thankful if assess my essay

I agree that some goods are popular just because of excellent advertisement not real need of the society.
In fact, advertisers exaggerate about the necessity of some products, for example cosmetics and some kinds of cloths. In some countries people invest huge amount of money for unnecessary and luxury goods. I believe the main reason is attractive advertisements. Indeed, advertising plays a substantial role in commercial success and failure. I believe most of popular goods owe smart advertisers.

Most of companies, either big or small are competitive, hence for their survival they need to introduce their products by advertising on television or other media. Typically, Advertisers are mainly clever people, they know very well how to tempt people especially women.

Advertisers make considerable amount of money, maybe million dollars for short advertises on television. The owners of companies invest such money because they are aware of the significant effect of proper way of introducing a new product. Companies will fail in selling products even with high quality, if they don't introduce them well. Indeed, the role of advertising is unavoidable.

Regarding all the factors I would like to conclude that advertisement could result in high sales of products, which are not the real requirement of people. However, it does not mean that all promoted goods lack of quality and are unnecessary.

jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 1, 2013   #2
The length of your introduction isn't the problem.

Look at the prompt:

The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of ads.

In the intro, you need to agree or disagree. You've done that. You did it in only one sentence, but you did it.

Each body paragraph needs to discuss a separate reason why ads are powerful.

What I'm saying is that the entire essay is too short. You need to divide the topic and elaborate on each part.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 1, 2013   #3
First, you need to select "Writing Feedback" Forum for IELTS essays and make sure you open new threads in the right forum. That helps you earn good feed backs.

As others have pointed out, your essay is too short to meet the requirement of this task. I guess you need to have at least 250 words in your response.

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