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IELTS Task 1: The High School Attendance was Revealed by the Table in Three Periods


fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Nov 6, 2015   #1
The high school attendance was revealed by the table in three periods that were divided among 2000, 2005 and 2009. While there were four of school classifications, most of them showed a decrease of presence percentage over the time frame. But, there was a gradually increase in one school major.

Turning first to Community Schools, It stood at 12% in 2000, then slightly rose over two times of following period in 2005. Interestingly, while Schools of Community were the lowest in the first period, it significantly grew to 58% in the end of period, the greatest attendance among three others.

In contrast, two of schools were the higher presence in 2000, Voluntary-controlled schools (52%) and Grammar Schools (24%). In 2009, both noticeably fell to approximate a half of the beginning, 20% for Voluntary-controlled and 12% for Grammar major. Finally, there was not much different with Specialist Schools which were 12% of attendance in 2000. Next, it steadily declined by 2% and reached 10% in 2009.




vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Nov 6, 2015   #2
Masdar, when you wrote the summary overview mentioned that there were 4 school classifications included in the report. However, the classifications were not indicated anywhere within the summary. In order to present the flow of discussion to the reader, you should have given a mention of the school divisions in at the beginning. It would have helped to set up the flow of information in the succeeding discussion. Aside from that very small error on your part, I don't really see anything wrong with the essay. You were still able to present the information required to develop a successful report. It only needs some grammar restructuring in order to make the report better understood as it is read.

The h High school attendance was revealed by WAS PRESENTED IN the table in COVERING three ACADEMIC periods that were divided among COVERING THE YEARS 2000, 2005 and 2009. While there were four of school classifications, most of them showed a ALL CLASSIFICATIONS SHOWED A decrease of presence percentage over the time frame. But, HOWEVER, there was a gradually increase in one school major.

Turning first to Community Schools, It ITS ENROLLMENT LEVELS stood at 12% in 2000, then AND slightly rose over two times of TERMS DURING THE SAME following period in 2005. Interestingly, while Schools of Community COMMUNITY SCHOOLS were the RANKED THE lowest in the first period, it significantly grew to 58% in the TOWARDS THE end of THE period,HAVING the greatest attendance among three others WHEN COMPARED TO THE OTHER THREE.

In contrast, two of schools were the HAD A higher presence in 2000,NAMELY THE Voluntary-controlled schools (52%) and Grammar Schools (24%). In 2009, both noticeably fell to approximate APPROXIMATELY a half of the beginning, 20% for Voluntary-controlled and 12% for Grammar majorS. Finally, there was not much different DIFFERENCE with THE Specialist Schools which THAT HAD were 12% of attendance in 2000. Next, it IT steadily declined by 2% and reached REACHING 10% in 2009.


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