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After high school, students decide whether to continue studying in an university or getting a job


opaki123 1 / -  
May 19, 2019   #1

TASK 2. TOPIC ON EDUCATION



Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

After high school, students have to decide whether to continue studying by going to university or getting a job. While getting a job straight after school has many advantages for a successful future, I believe that being admitted to a prestigious university would be better for some reasons.

On one hand, It is understandable to see that the majority of students land jobs after finishing academic programs. Some do not have enough score to continue studying, some, in contrast, just want to gain work experience earlier than those who further their studies. Moreover, they could have opportunities to sharpen their social skills in the workplace, such as communication, collaboration,..., which are really vital in the technology-driven world. Nevertheless, for students who want to acquire professional jobs like dentist, lawyer or teacher..., It would be a must to have degrees specializing in these fields which they are able to only receive in university.

On the other hand, the option of going to studying at college or university would be utterly beneficial in my opinion. In terms of academic qualification, the university not only provides undergraduates with knowledge renewed annually but also the enormous number of opportunities. For example, large enterprises are seeking most talented employees in universities. They offer high salaries, motivating workplace environments, and rewarding holiday trips... Moreover, most universities currently organized soft skill training program from which student could be certificated. These programs are mostly taught by professionals or experienced trainers.

To conclude, it seems to me that students could be far successful if they choose to continue their studies in college or university beyond school level.

Maria [Contributor] - / 715 275  
May 19, 2019   #2
@opaki123
Hi there!

Let's look through your essay; I do have a couple of key recommendations.

First and foremost, evade repetitive phrasings when you are constructing your text. Doing this will not benefit you because you'll end up wasting the word count. Instead, always try to optimize and maximize your essay through elaborating on details with more depth and substance.

In addition to this, be cautious of fundamental technicalities in writing: punctuation, preposition, and consistency of your verb forms. Once you have gotten this out of the way, you'll be able to have more hold over the content of your essay.

Having said that, let's revise a few portions of your text.

Upon graduating from high school, students decide to either study or get a job. While immediately jumping into a career has advantages, I would argue that admission to a universities for further studies is more advantageous.

Notice how in this portion, I made certain to consistently have variations in the text. Instead of saying that getting a job straight after school, I said that it would be jumping into a career path. Notice how they both relay similar messages but that the latter has a straightforward approach and would develop the thought more.

On the one hand, a majority of students land jobs after finishing their programs. Some do not have sufficient grades to take further studies, therefore causing them to focus on work. Moreover, they have opportunities to sharpen other skills in the workplace. Communication and collaboration are crucial when speaking of advancements in the technological age. [...]

I would recommend that you revise the content and thoughts of the succeeding sentence after this. You can add more substance through explaining how advanced programs have advantages (therefore warrants that we should focus on them).

Best of luck in your writing!


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