Please have a look at my essay and feel free to comment.
Topic: Some people believe that higher education should be served only for excellent students. Some other people believe that higher education should be served for all students. Which opinion do you agree with?
Nowadays, education is one of easy and firm paths to success, people tend to pursue higher education much more than before. However, I believe that graduate studies should be reserved only for excellent students. I can prove it easily by the following reasons.
First of all, each student has their own strengths and only the top of the graduate can satisfy the high academic demands. Typically, students with the high results have enough capacity of absorbing complex and abstract knowledge and familiarize the advanced technology. Almost of them can finish successfully this level and becomes efficient staff for universities, national institutions, and high-tech companies.
Secondly, socializing higher education is a huge waste of money. The government budget is limited and cannot afford a great investment in infrastructure and human resources serving all students, especially in developing countries like Viet Nam, although students can lighten the financial issue by paying partly for tuition fees. Obviously, if all students are allowed to access to advanced education level, a low graduate rate is a possibility to happen.
Finally, selective investment in education will make enormous benefits. With the right measure of developing in grey resource, poor nations can boost their science growth and catch up with other ones worldwide. Also, it encourages all students to expose their own ability to take this advantage. This promotion will create a healthy competition in education.
To sum up, some people think that a door into higher education open limitedly for students seems not to be fair. Indeed, I believe strongly that equality doesn't mean all students get the same choices, but they have a fair chance to strive for mastery depending on their own capacity.
1. mentions the conclusion para points in thesis para too so as to let the readers know about,what the essay will mention in the subsequent paragraphs.
2. Is there any word limits? your essay is short.
3.Do not include new detail sin conclusion para, it should be summary of your essay.
1. I dont understand hat you mean.
2. It is a Toefl essay and the limited number of vvords is a range of 300-350.
3. Because of limited vvords, I only state my opininon in the conclusion vvithout adding supporting details
That is not a bad essay at all. What I can recommend you for this type exams is that you should focus on the content of the essay more than writing it in a very formal way. You should make your points as clear as possible. As I have read some comments of examiners on others' essays (you can find those online, it will give you an idea of how they grade toefl/ielts essays), what I noticed is that they give more points to essays that has depth. I did not count the words but you kept your paras a bit short. You can extend your arguments.