Hello everyone,
I'm taking IELTS exams in the next 3 months. I really need your feedback on my writing.
Thank you in indeed,
Giang
University education should only be offered to the most academic students, not a large majority.
To what extent do you agree?
Some people argue that only students who perform excellent at school deserve higher education. However, I believe that the opportunity of attending university should be open to the public. This is because providing college education to a minority of talented people would violate human rights and create more social problems while encouraging more people to go to university would benefit both citizens and societies.
Only admitting talented students to university would violate human right to education, lead to deep public division and possibly corrupt college admission. Everyone has the right to education. In other words, people could attain the highest level of schooling in accordance with their wishes and abilities. Therefore, limiting higher education to excellent students would severely infringe human's basic right of education. On top of that, a significant segregation in society would quickly develop if university education became a privilege held by a small proportion of population. This may also promote people to get into college at all costs, even by employing corrupt methods such as cheating and bribery.
In contrast, facilitating vast majority of citizens to have higher education would help individuals increase their chance of success in life and graduate more productive citizens for society. Several surveys suggest that people with university degrees have higher income than those who have only finished high school. Moreover, citizens who have received higher education are often more political and social active. Therefore, opening the opportunity of going to university would collectively raise public awareness. Accompanying with this could be a safer society. For example, Denmark whose over 40% of population attain bachelor's degrees has reported a very low crime rate.
In conclusion, the idea of allowing only most talented students to go to college should be dismissed because it would infringe human right to education, substantially divide society and potentially cause illegal activities. Instead, efforts of encouraging people to attend university should be made as higher education helps promote a safer, more prosperous and active society.
Hi HuongGiangNguyen, I have some suggestions for you to improve on your essay:
- I recommend you to use free version to fix basic grammar errors. You should see 17 errors in this essay.
- "... raise public awareness" --> wrong word choice (maybe: public education?)
