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Higher Education for Work and Perspectives - IELTS


Trias 23 / 41 14  
Jun 8, 2015   #1
Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

For a lot of people, a course completion in a university is the absolute path to ensure a significant occupation in spite of the high cost. However, other people think that starting to work directly after finishing school and obtaining work experience are much better. Nevertheless, some manual jobs are now done by machines. Therefore, I strongly believe that people should set their career goal first prior to making any decisions towards a higher education.

For many people, the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. It is based on the ultimate reason that a degree can open the door to better employment prospects. A 2010 revealed that university graduates earn approximately 60% higher salaries than high school diplomas in Asia region. The study also pointed out that all top management positions are occupied by those with a degree. Thus, university graduates have a bigger chance of more significant career.

Another perspective is that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work since there are plenty of opportunities in customer service sectors such as restaurants. According to Indonesia Manpower Department, 6 out of 7 positions are available for high school diplomas. Hence, school graduates can be employed in such industry.

Despite the aforementioned opportunity for high school diploma holders, repetitive manual jobs are now by machines so there is a chance of them being terminated by the employer. For example, the manufacturing company in which I worked at terminates their workers twice a year due to their automation process at the assembly line. Owing to this fact, employees who work directly after graduating school are at risk of losing their jobs.

In conclusion, those who go the extra miles by completing further education in university gain better employment opportunities. On the other hand, people who start to work after graduating high school could be terminated by the companies if their jobs are repetitive. Finally, I am convince that people should have a clear goals in regard to their career before deciding on a pursuing a higher education at university.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 8, 2015   #2
- It is based on the ultimate reason that a degree can open the doordoors to better employment prospects.

- A 2010 revealed that university graduates earn approximately 60% higher salaries than high school diplomas in AsiaAsian region.

- Another perspective is that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world ofat work since there are plenty of opportunities in customer service sectors such as restaurants.

- Hence, high school graduates can be employed in such industry.

- Finally, I am convince that people should have a clear goals in regard to their career before deciding on a pursuing a higher education at university.

Trias, your essay is good. I agree that earning a degree will definitely secure your spot in a much better position at work. On the other hand, I also believe, base on experience, that when entering the university, whenever you are able to and can work legally, one should allow themselves to get involve with minor jobs, like summer break gigs and internships, this way they get exposure and this can hone their talents and can actually help them to determine what they really want to take when it comes to major and specific studies in the university.

Now, going back to your essay;

- proof read as always

- mind your linking verbs, review exactly when you need it and how will it affect your sentence

- sentence construction and essay flow is good

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Jun 8, 2015   #3
For a lot of people, a course completion in a university is the absolute path to ensure a significant occupation in spite of the high costI strike this point as it does not support your idea.

A 2010 study revealed that university graduates earn approximately 60% higher salaries than

The study also pointed out that all top management positions are occupied by those with a university degree.

Finally, I am convinceit is imperative that people should have a clear goals in regard to their career before deciding on a pursuing a higher education at university.

Hope it helps. Good luck!


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