Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Higher education only to young top students? It has benefits, but I prefer equal opportunity


uyentrinh3108 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2018   #1

Whether or not universities should only offer to young students with highest marks?



Many people say that universities should only offer to young students with highest marks, others say they should accept people with all ages, even if they did not well. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

People have different views about whether higher education should only provide for gifted students or extend to people of all ages despite they did not perform well. Personally, I am more convinced that people all have access to education opportunities regardless of their abilities.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why people think that tertiary education only should be available to young students with good grades. Firstly, a good academic result probably reflects students' ability and determine whether or not they can fit in academic environment at college. If students have not acquired sufficient-knowledge at high school, they are possibly not qualified for higher education. Secondly, selecting outstanding students at a young age allows the governments to concentrate their resources towards the development of high quality workforce. In other words, rather than taking risks in training students of mixed abilities, the states can mobilize resources to create a more favorable learning environment with improved education quality, better research capacity and facilities for a selected group of high-potential individuals.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea that making universities accessible for everyone regardless of their age and learning capacity. The right to education is a human right, so everyone should be given freedom to enter higher education if they desire without any limitation. The benefits of university education are not influenced by their age, so there is no reason to set age requirements in college admission. Additionally, it is true that high school students take a wide range of classes. For this reason, many students may end up having poor overall results, but in some certain subjects, their marks might be extraordinary high. For example, my friend performed very badly at Natural subjects, such as Math or Physics, making her average score disappointedly low when she left high school. However, she was excellent at English and became top students when entering university. Therefore, students like my friend should be allowed to take advantage of their strengths and join in specialized courses at university.

To conclude, notwithstanding certain advantages of limiting higher education to young top students, I reaffirm the idea that opportunities should open up for everyone to enter university.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,277 3982  
Nov 29, 2018   #2
Uyne, with regards to the writing problems that could affect your GRA score, I would like to call your attention to your use of adjectives. In this essay you used the adjective extraordinary when you should have used the adverb extraordinarily. It is a common mistake among non-native English speakers. I would not worry about it so much in an everyday setting but for the IELTS test, you should avoid making such mistakes in order to retain a higher GRA score. You should also aim for clarity in your essay so try to avoid redundancies such as "whether or not". Whether alone is sufficient since it already indicates the two choices a person is to choose from.

Now, with regards to your prompt paraphrase, you show a clear misunderstanding of the discussion instructions. The original instruction indicates:

Original Instruction: Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Your Response: Personally, I am more convinced that people all have access to education opportunities regardless of their abilities.


As such, the assumption of the examiner will be that all of indicated discussions are coming from your personal point of view, rather than the required discussion instruction that considers the two public points of view prior to the formulation of your personal opinion.

You are not developing the full potential of each paragraph discussion. The lack of clarity in your presentation paragraphs stems from the way that you are discussing 2 points of view per paragraph, without the benefit of a connecting / transition sentence, which works far better in creating a cohesive paragraph than counting your discussion topics. By counting your discussion topics rather than connecting them, you created 2 unblended topic discussions, resulting in a paragraph that lacks explanations and clarity. You tried to get around that problem by using long sentences, called run-ons, which only further added to the confusion of the presentation discussion. Normally, single topic paragraphs work best, specially when done within 3-5 sentences.

Your concluding paragraphs is only a single sentence, which is also a run-on. It should have been a summary conclusion which reminded the reader of the discussion topic, your discussion reasons, and your personal opinion to close the essay. As it is, the essay is open ended, which means the essay is not properly developed nor closed.

By the way, use a timer the next time you write the practice essay. You wrote more than 300 words which, when you use a timer, you will find you will be unable to do. The most you will be able to write is between 250-300 words. 300 being a stretch at this point. Remember,

1. Use a timer to stay within the time limit and write the appropriate number of words;
2. Aim for clarity with every paragraph. Present complete explanations rather than several under explained reasons;
3. Properly summarize the conclusion.
4. Review your essay, revise the essay, edit the essay, before you submit the essay for scoring.
OP uyentrinh3108 1 / 1  
Dec 3, 2018   #3
Thanks a lot for your support to my essay. I really appreciate it.
Have a nice day, Holt!


Home / Writing Feedback / Higher education only to young top students? It has benefits, but I prefer equal opportunity