The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. (SAT Essay)

Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?
People should be very competitive if they want to succeed. The higher goal the bigger efforts for it. Several examples from literature, sport and personal life clearly demonstrate that people should never give up in competitions the life runs them into.

Jules Verne's "Around the World in 80 days" shows that the only way for Phileas Fogg to succeed is to win the competition. Some gentlemen from London made a bet for a lot of money that Mr Fogg couldn't round the world in 80 days. Despite all the problems that he and his valet Passepartout met on his way they succeeded for the reason they never gave up.

A lot of examples from sport can prove that in order to succeed people should be highly competitive. The most famous automobile sport is F1. In 2009 the association decided that the key thing in F1 will be not the points, won on different races, but the number of the wins. That proves that the only thing that does really matter is the win.

In my life I have met a lot of competitions in which only the win matters. I have been participating in mathematical competitions for 7 years. When I was 10 years old I did awful in a local competition and that made me want only the first prize. That's the reason I became really competitive since then and only few months later I was on a national competition. In 2007 I went on an International Olympiad and got 2nd prize. That shows that people have to be highly competitive if they want to succeed.

The win only matters. That's why people should never give up in trying to achieve their big goals. They should never come to terms with the lose. In order to succeed nothing on the way should be a pitfall. Otherwise the only thing that can be got is the second place in the pursuit.

Would you please check my essay. This is my second essay based on SAT requirements and since the previous one was awful I think that this is better. I've written it for 25 minutes so there are maybe some mistakes which I'll be grateful if you correct. The maximum score on SAT essay is 12 out of 12. Thanks a lot.

Depends on the goal! What if my goal is to have peace?

That's why people should never give up in trying to achieve their big goals. ---- Don't get off topic; this is not about goal achievement. It's about winning.

Solid essay! I was just nitpicking about the argument for fun. This seems like it should do well.

This part is not so good: The win only matters. Write that in a better way.. like... "Only the win matters."

Thanks Kevin. It's really difficult for me to write a thesis so do you think my thesis is enough long and maybe accurate? Thanks for the remarks. I will try not to get off topic because it's very maleficent and maybe it equals to a score of 0 out of 12.

Your essay would be more convincing if you had at least one example that wasn't a competition. That is, you argue that people have to be competitive to succeed, but then give three examples of competitions. Obviously you have to be competitive to succeed in competitions. That's why they are called competitions. You aren't really proving anything worthwhile unless you can show that competitiveness is also vital to success in situations not deliberately designed to reward competitiveness.

About that thesis, I think you should move this sentence to the end o the first paragraph:
People should be very competitive if they want to succeed.
That way it will begin with the interesting sentence you wrote: "The higher the goal, the bigger the effort is."

You should also make that thesis statement, People should be very competitive if they want to succeed, LONGER so that it is clear and specific.