The higher number of young adults in a society has more advantages

Topic: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Population - younger or older

In the recent decades, the population of some countries which have a higher number of young adults has more advantages in comparison to some has more elderly people. I believe this situation has brought some drawbacks in some nations that have more elderly people.

It is true that large proportion of young adults have more strengths in driving the development for some industries. From some fields in high technology that require more innovative development, and the spirit of innovation sometimes coming from young generation. They bring the new ideas to the companies and help them embracing changes. It definitely helps in the new development of the city, even a nation.

From government's perspective, they also have benefit that the society with the small number of elderly people. It means that government has less financial responsibility on old population. The society with higher elderly population and its government need to focus more on the policy in health and retirement. With the same amount of budget, it certainly contains the burden if the government want to spend more money on other developments such as education.

In conclusion, the young adult plays an essential role in driving the innovative progress of a nation. Therefore, the nations with more older population have more drawbacks in many ways. I believe the nations with more young adult have more advantages than the countries with less one.

Hi, I think you presented great ideas in the essay. However I would suggest that you rewrite your introduction, right now it contains a lot of grammatical mistakes, which make it almost incomprehensible. And definitely don't use the same phrases as the question, try to write it with your own words instead.

Felicia, your essay is only 231 words. That is 19 words short of the minimum word count of 250. I hope that your instructor has informed you that when you write less than 250 words, you risk getting an automatic failing score in the essay. You did a good job in staying on point by discussing only the point of view that you support. However, you failed to write enough words to justify a passing score. Your paragraphs are extremely long in terms of sentence presentation, but do not really fully explain the point of the topic sentence for that paragraphs. Further explanations were required in order to clarify your point of view and fully convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one. had you written at least 3 sentences for your opening paraphrase and your concluding summary, you would have met the minimum word count and scored better in terms of TA and C&C considerations.

Your GRA suffered because you did not accurately represent simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs. Try to avoid using commas to connect your thoughts or differing ideas within one sentence. That way you can fully explain yourself. Avoid presenting 2 ideas in one paragraph such as in the second paragraph where you discuss the work ability of the elderly then suddenly present the idea that innovation comes from the younger generation. Those are 2 different topics that should have been presented as such in paragraph form. One paragraph, one topic.