Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Higher salaries, risky job is better; 'people are motivated by their distress'


massiekur 2 / 3  
Feb 17, 2014   #1
People are often found to be stuck in a dilemma when they face a career choice. Sadly, nothing is perfect in this world and this theory can also be applied to jobs for high salaries usually go hand in hand with high risks. As a teenager in the young generation, I would prefer a high-paying job yet with high risk of losing it. Despite of its disadvantages, I am confident that I will be propelled by the high pressure that follows.

I would like to begin with the obvious advantage of my choice, which is the high salary. It is without doubt that each family will benefit a lot from a generous income, which will guarantee a pleasant life. Enough money leaves me with more choices whenever I want to buy some fancy clothes, advanced electronic devices, or an extravagant trip. And with the ability to afford those products and services I aspire to, I will be more likely to feel happiness whatsoever.

Next, as far as the seemingly negative aspects are concerned, it is important to note its potential returns as well. I admit that high risks inevitably impose great pressure on my shoulder while it is not totally bad at all since people in most cases are motivated by their distress. For example, once I selected a course which was so difficult to pass that I had to devote extra effort to reviewing the lessons. Surprisingly, the result turned out that I performed well enough. If this experience told me anything, it is that my potential is always ready to be driven out by high pressures. As a result, my special attentiveness will hopefully lead me to a greater achievement in the workplace.

Moreover, I believe that young generation is supposed to take a challenge rather than keep themselves away from competition. As the rising stars, we had better not think and act like old people do because we have totally different purposes in life. I have heard many suggestions from older family members claiming that civil servant is an optimal career choice simply because it provides a sound safety net. However, I do not agree that youngsters should settle for a secure job when they have millions of opportunities in front of them. Instead, the most important quality of a job that they ought to consider is whether their personal value can be realized and maximized in that position.

From the analysis above, I can safely draw a conclusion that I will be better off with a highly competitive job. Being aware of its potential risks, I am more than willing to embrace the challenge because it will prove to be rewarding at the same time.

Please give me some comments. I so appreciate your help!

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Feb 17, 2014   #2
when you post your essay, it will be better if you post the introduction as well, so that, the readers will easily understand what type of writing that you have written
krnjeong 2 / 3  
Feb 17, 2014   #3
i think it is a great essay :)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 17, 2014   #4
I suggest you to make idea mapping before write, it is helpful for your flows. Therefore adding complete prompt also helps the reader to know what prompt want in your essay.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 17, 2014   #5
First, open your threads for TOEFL essays in Writing Feedback forum. This has been transferred from Undergraduate to Writing Feedback.

As a teenager in the young generation,

As a member of the young generation

People are often found to be stuck in a dilemma when they face a career choice. Sadly, nothing is perfect in this world and this theory can also be applied to jobs for high salaries usually go hand in hand with high risks. As a teenager in the young generation, I would prefer a high-paying job yet with high risk of losing it. Despite of its disadvantages, I am confident that I will be propelled by the high pressure that follows.

This is a very good introduction. Very well presented :)
I can see you write very well. You now follow the appropriate structure as well. This forum is a good place to get others to read your essays and give you good comments as to how you can improve. You too should help others to become active in this forum again. :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Higher salaries, risky job is better; 'people are motivated by their distress'