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With the higher use of TV and computers we are under some threats posed by a range of violent scenes


annyht 2 / 1  
Sep 4, 2018   #1

Violence in television and computer games has a damaging effect on the society.


What is your opinion?

With the ubiquitous use of television and computers nowadays, some people argue that our society is under potential threats posed by a wide range of violent scenes. Personally, I assume that the gratuitous scenes of violence may spark off some influences on children and teenagers, but not much on others.

Firstly, it is obvious that many movies and games portraying violence may put a detrimental effect on children. Repeatedly viewing those will blunt their emotional responses to violence and lead to aggressive attitudes in real life. However, most television programs are censored carefully before broadcasting, and the content that includes too many violent or unsuitable scenes will be considered. Except for the children, these factors do not have any serious consequences on adults. The aggressive behavior of a person depends mostly on his character, which is formed by the living environment, growing process and education. And the cruelty caused by games and television, I think, contributes little to our behavior.

In addition, violence in television or video games can create some positive influences. Many movies chart violence with an educational purpose, as in the end, the truculent villains will have to pay for their cruelty. In other words, this acts as an effective tool to impart the causal law in life. What is more, this kind of violent movies gives us a deeper insight into the villains. In many cases, they have such a tremendous and torturous past which punishing blows of life forced them to be cruel. Therefore, we are able to have a better understanding and sympathy with people through these movies.

All things considered, I subscribe to the idea that violence in television, movies or games does not carry substantial effect. Apart from some contents which should be labeled not for children due too its excessive violence, violence in those cases is not negative.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Sep 5, 2018   #2
@annyht the last sentence in your closing statement should have been the thesis statement for your opening paraphrase. That is because your opinion is clearer in that sentence than in the final presentation of your opening presentation. This is the most appropriate thesis statement to present:

violence in those cases is not negative.

- The whole sentence would have made for a highly authoritative and strong thesis statement of your opinion. It's too bad that you chose to use it at the end of the essay instead. Both the opening and closing statements need to be on strong notes.

Most of your problems in this presentation have to do with word usage. For example, one cannot "put" a detrimental effect on children. However exposure to violence in media may "have" a detrimental effect on them. When it comes to censorship, violent or unsuitable scenes will not be considered. These scenes will be censored/removed instead. You cannot say "which punishing blows of life" but you can say "that punishing blows of life..."

Overall, the discussion is acceptable except in some instances when you only wrote 2 sentences per paragraph when the ideal is 3 sentences as a minimum sentence presentation for an increased C&C scoring possibility.

Writing 307 words will not be possible during the actual test due to time limitations. Aim for 250-275 words instead so you can edit your work before submission.. It appears that because you wrote too many words, you were not able to properly assess your essay prior to submitting it for a grade. Which is what caused the LR problems in your presentation.


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