IELTS: highly qualif graduates without employment are frequent, why? cutthroat competition

question :

In many countries today are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factor may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it ?

answer :

Nowadays, to follow its studies until a master degree is quite frequent. The cutthroat competition that highly qualified people are experiencing is frustrating. But this sole factor don't explain the whole problem, which is much more complex and difficult to deals with.

Firstly, the cost of this highly qualified labor is as important as their diploma. The employers have invested a lot of money on them, with the main objective that they will be beneficial for the company. In some countries like France, the employers have to pay important taxes to the government, added to the monthly salary of the worker. The result is that companies turn towards low cost labor such as internship or sandwich course's students. In my opinion, political should provide aids to companies to promulgate the recruitment and ban this can of bad behavior.

Then come the requirements for the companies. Long studies generally -but not constantly- specialized the future workers. Indeed, a second year of master or, more significantly, a PhD, usually provides the student the knowledge in one precise domain. The aim is to prepare the students to be fully operating and productive in their future job. The negative effect is that, the companies preferred to form their own employee instead of experienced some close-minded highly qualified people. For me, it is not necessary to graduate a lot of postgraduate student every year, but to point out with criteria, in which domains we need labor, and why. Thus, schools would provide places to people only if they are useful for market.

Overall, there is a job for everyone on this world; we just need to give the next generation the place where they belong in our societies. Accordingly everyone would be happy.

It seem you should put your opinion in your essay based on the prompt.


probably you can add with... In my opinion or I think

But this sole factor don't explain the whole problem, which is much more complex and difficult to deals with.
3. Thesis statement - Express your view
For me, the problem is only because of societies which have to re-form its economic model.
What do yo think dumi ?[/quote]
Well, lets have a look at your hook;
I find it is not well presented. You try to present it with advance words, but your effort goes in vain as they tend to complicate the clarity of your idea :(

This is what I suggest;
Nowadays, people have got to face with severe competition in almost everything they do. .... write simple sentences, but with more clarity.


... you cannot have both would and may - has to be one of them.
Again, this is not a good way to introduce the background of your prompt. You should preserve its original idea and you can do this by paraphrasing your prompt. For example,

As a result, in many parts of the world there are lots of qualified graduates who are left without proper jobs.