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No hiring so no need to pay for maternity leave later on? Opinion essay.

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jan 14, 2018   #1
Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Pregnancy Discrimination in the Workplace

A pregnant female could take at least 10 weeks as a leave with actual payment. Such phenomenon leads to some suggest that without hiring those young females in the first place, small firms could avoid paying the pregnancy leave in the future. In this essay, I completely disagree with the statement and will provide my reasons as follows.

One primary reason is that selectively recruit people out of unmarried females is a form of discrimination. In our modern society, males and females are equal in terms of seeking job positions. Females workplace skills and understandings are no less than men. When a company decides to choose a person simply based on their fertilities, it discriminates a large number of unmarried women. This inappropriate hiring process of a company might end up getting sued by many females eventually.

Moreover, avoiding to hire young females as employees is a big loss to a firm as many of them are intelligent. Nowadays, many independent women are very successful in their lives such as Saoirse Ronan and Jennifer Lawrence. Their dedications to work are determined and motivated. When firms concentrate on the issue of maternity leave as a reason to not hire young females, these companies are missing to see a bigger picture. As female contributions could be significant.

Finally, some laws protecting females from being sexist are existing. Take Poland for instance, a country is defined as an act of criminal when a firm hires a person is based on their genders rather than their educational backgrounds or work experiences. This law can definitely protect millions of women work opportunity. Especially to those women who have not had their own families yet.

To recapitulate, man and woman have the same values in looking for occupational roles regardless their genders. By discarding a large proportional group of young females, companies would lose some of the most potentially valuable assets of staffs. A perfect example is Poland, a nation that tends to protect women from workplace discrimination by imposing a law as a prevention.

I wrote more than 330 words as I counted at the end, would that be acceptable in the actual test? It is a great hope that if you could score my essay. Thank you!

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Jan 14, 2018   #2
SG, I don't advice writing more than 250 words in the essay because of the time constraint and the amount of work that you have to do as a test taker prior to submitting this for a score. You have to accomplish the following in no more than 40 minutes:

1. Outline the discussion you will be presenting
2. Draft the essay
3. Review the essay for content relevance
4. Revise the essay for content
5. Edit any grammatical and spelling errors

Those are the reasons why I believe that you should write more than 250 words during the test. That is already the equivalent of a full page and will accurately portray all the required skills that the test taker needs to show in the test.

As you know, you should not be presenting any information that is not in the original prompt in your paraphrase. Yet you made that mistake in your current essay. The 10 weeks information is not in the original prompt and should therefore, be in the body of paragraphs as one of the reasons for the discussion. You know that you cannot develop the information that will support that statement in the opening paragraph so don't do it.

You cannot use actors for an example in this essay because they are seasonal workers who can easily take as much time off as they need in order to accommodate pregnancy and raising a family. The examples in this essay need to be more striking such as doctors, lawyers, and teachers, women whose professions do not allow time to deal with a pregnancy or raising a family because their work is time sensitive.

Your concluding paragraph lost track of the original discussion. You presented the discussion points without reminding the reader of the topic for discussion. This going off track is what happens when you write more than 250 words. You become more focused on just talking about topics you think will help the essay instead of talking with a clear purpose for establishment in the essay. It is because of these mistakes that I feel you cannot score more than a 5.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jan 14, 2018   #3
@Holt, honestly, I have been focusing on constructing the 2,3,4 paragraphs that I did not spend much time to revise the opening and ending recently in my writing. This is why I made such mistakes even in this essay, I was too blind to realise it. I will be cautious about all of these. Thanks.

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