The main purpose of this essay is to discuss both sides of this argument and give the reasons behind my opinion.
It is not necessary to explain the discussion instructions. Your clear thesis statement as represented by the previous sentences already accomplished that task. Repeating the instructions do not help increase your score. It is the thesis statement that does that through TA compliance.
There is a problem in the reasoning presentation though. While the first presentation is general enough, the lack of third person pronoun usage implies this is a personal statement rather than an insight into the public point of view. Another problem is that the general discussion of the second reason is missing. You went directly to your point of view. This will cause a lower, possibly non-passing score. This will be due to the missing 2nd public discussion point. Read the instructions carefully. It asks you to :
Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.
That instruction is indicative of a 3 paragraph comparison essay.
While the discussion is relevant and partially on-point, you have to make sure that you use the correct discussion format to boost the all important TA score and, the C+ C presentation for clarity purposes in relation to the prompt.