Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS; I'm on holiday and ask my friend to take care of my house and pet


ashat165 1 / 1  
Oct 2, 2013   #1
Dear Ismail,
Hope you are all fine. I am on holiday as you know. First of all thanks for helping me. I am telling you some instruction which will help you out. In my absence please take care of my cat. Give milk in the morning and stay for a while with her. Also you can take her to the lawn.

There is another thing which I have to tell you that receive the mails and voice messages and if any important please save as you can. I will come tomorrow at morning so you also have to stay at night. Please care my house and specially my cat. Give corn and some fats which you can take from fridge.

Anyone who visit my house tell him that I am outside of town and will come tomorrow.
Thanks again for your cooperation.
See you soon.
Your friend
Ashat

Chanea56 1 / 1  
Oct 3, 2013   #2
I think you should work on your grammar and punctuation a little bit.. just re word a few things
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 10, 2013   #3
Hope you are all fine. I am on holiday as you know. First of all thanks for helping me. I am telling you some instruction which will help you out. In my absence please take care of my cat. Give milk in the morning and stay for a while with her. Also you can take her to the lawn.

Well... you are going to ask help from your friend and therefore those cannot be instructions. The moment you use the word "instruction" it gives a kind of ordering feeling. When you ask for help, you need to be more humble and also thankful for their support. I think this is how it should go;

Dear Ismail,
How are you dear friend? I hope everything is well with you and the family. I am writing this letter to ask you a great favor. You can already guess what I am going to ask because this is not the first time I have approached you for the same help. I will be on holiday from next week and as I did in my last vacation, this time too I intend to visit my family in Pakistan. I humbly request you to take care of my home and the cat while I am away.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 13, 2013   #4
As dumi has already commented, you need to be more humble when asking help. So, you need to rephrase most of your sentences to adopt that tone in your letter.

I will come tomorrow at morning so you also have to stay at night

This sentence sound pretty rude. Also, the reader does not get any idea as to what you mean.

Please care my house and specially my cat.

Please take care of my house and especially my cat.

Anyone who visit my house tell him that I am outside of town and will come tomorrow.

If there will be any visitors, please tell them that I have gone out of town and will be back the next day.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; I'm on holiday and ask my friend to take care of my house and pet