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"Many holidaymakers would rather stay in a hotel room. Others prefer a campsite." (Essay)


Gustav02 1 / 5  
Mar 16, 2014   #1
What is your opinoin?
For the time being going on vacation is quite widespread among people. Some of them claim it's a lot more comfortable to stay in a hotel room whereas other think vice versa preferring the under-the-stars conveniences.

As for me, I strongly believe camping play a considerable part in an enjoyable pastime. As the issue is relevant, I have a few reasons in favour of my opinion to recite. Firstly, the great outdoors bring us in contact with nature. It enables us to feel more at ease and exempt from daily bothers. Secondly, from the scientific point of view it's much healthier to spend our time in the frtesh air as much as possible. In addition, campsite and other outside activities are a golden opportunity to have a comprehensive rest-time.

However, there are opponents of such standpoint. According to them, campsite facilities do not suggest luxury apartments which could satisfy physical needs. Last but not least, they also suppose any bugs caught in the open air lead to serious diseases.

Actually, I do not quite agree with the above-mentioned. It is to be noted that nature and its resources serve as healing agents. Futhermore, it's extremely engaging to experience the ancient anscestors' way of life.

In conclusion, I'd like to emphasize the social significance of the issue. To my mind, today's community feels embarassed at the idea of staying out in the wild. Nevertheless, I think it's a crucial step towards an unpredictable vacation for potential holidaymakers.

Thank you very much for you comments in advance!

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 16, 2014   #2
First, this thread should have been opened in Writing Feedback forum which is the most appropriate forum for that. It is not just a forum rule, but a very helpful way for you to earn more feedbacks :)

For the time being going on vacation is quite widespread among people

This is not an interesting hook. You could have said the same idea in a much more simple and interesting way;
Nowadays, people are becoming more and more interested in making memorable holidays.
Your opening sentence needs to hook the reader towards your writing :)
OP Gustav02 1 / 5  
Mar 16, 2014   #3
All right. Thank you for your response. I'll keep in mind the remark you gave and the correction as well. The rest is acceptable, I presume?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 17, 2014   #4
Well, it is a bit difficult to say without knowing the purpose of this writing. I feel you have written it as a practice essay for TOEFL or IELTS. Is it? (Mention the purpose in the title itself so that we can provide you with more task related feedbacks.)

As for me, I strongly believe camping plays a considerable part in an enjoyable pastime.
OP Gustav02 1 / 5  
Mar 18, 2014   #5
Well, this English Essay is meant for the national exam in my country. I followed a well-defined essay plan:

− make an introduction (state the problem)
− express your personal opinion and give 2-3 reasons for your opinion
− express an opposing opinion and give 1-2 reasons for this opposing opinion
− explain why you don't agree with the opposing opinion
− make a conclusion restating your position

Hope it's clear to you now. Thank you!
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 18, 2014   #6
Ok, let's see whether you follow that suggested structure;
Body para1 -

As for me, I strongly believe camping play a considerable part in an enjoyable pastime. As the issue is relevant, I have a few reasons in favour of my opinion to recite. Firstly, the great outdoors bring us in contact with nature. It enables us to feel more at ease and exempt from daily bothers. Secondly, from the scientific point of view it's much healthier to spend our time in the frtesh air as much as possible. In addition, campsite and other outside activities are a golden opportunity to have a comprehensive rest-time.

In your first sentence you express your opinion which is not appropriate for a body para. You should have started with reasons as to why campsite is more preferred. Then you can cite your preference as the example to support that reason. For example;

Spending a holiday in a campsite enables a person to enjoy the nature in abundance. One would not be able to have such an opportunity in his or her day to day life and therefore such experience would give a total different relaxing experience to the person. (your first reason and now give a specific example)
OP Gustav02 1 / 5  
Mar 18, 2014   #7
Unfortunately, I do not quite understand your point. I think it's more clear to state my opinion first then get down to reasoning so that the reader would understand which side I surely support?

As for me, I strongly believe camping play a considerable part in an enjoyable pastime. As the issue is relevant, I have a few reasons in favour of my opinion to recite. Firstly, the great outdoors bring us in contact with nature. It enables us to feel more at ease and exempt from daily bothers.

I thought I had explained why campsite is more preferred. For ex., I can put (because) at the beginning of the fourth sentence which illustrates the first argumentation, doesn't it?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 18, 2014   #8
Unfortunately, I do not quite understand your point. I think it's more clear to state my opinion first then get down to reasoning so that the reader would understand which side I surely support?

It is better you state your opinion in the introduction before concluding your intro (the last sentence of the introduction).

I too agree with Pahan. You should justify your position in the body paras by giving reasons and supporting them with examples. Introduction and the conclusion are the two places for stating your opinion.
OP Gustav02 1 / 5  
Mar 18, 2014   #9
Ok. Thanks, anyway.


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