Write a one-page essay (double spaced) describing a place you like to visit. Be sure to give the name of the place, including the city, state, or country where it is located
My Favorite Place.
I like to visit the Holy Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, for its comfortable atmosphere and amazing architecture.
First, I enjoyed the comfortable atmosphere of the mosque. When I get in the mosque's yard, I see the Holy Ka'aba standing in the middle and Muslims are circling it, praying, and seeking blessings. Pigeons are flying free in the air and chirping happily as if they were praying with people. Zamzam wall inside the mosque provides water, which is known to be a medicine for any disease if it is drunk with complete trust in curing. Every time I visit this place, I drink many glasses of Zamzam water to refresh myself. The most incredible scene to me is when I see thousands of people from all over the world standing in neat rows around the Ka'aba during only one minute as they hear the muezzin's intonation announcing prayer's time. When the Imam recites verses softly with an angelic voice, tears comes to my eyes and I feel happy to the point that I want him not to stop.
Second, the Holy Mosque's architecture shows the Islamic decoration. It is a wide three-floor mosque. Floors are covered with special white marbles that don't absorb hotness to allow people walking barefoot on hot days. Pillars are designed to divide the mosque into neat sections. Domes and minarets are spread on the mosque's roof. Glorious big chandeliers are hung in the high ceiling to illuminate the mosque with white and yellow lights. Some parts of the mosque are ventilated by Central air conditioning. The most special thing in the Holy Mosque is the Ka'aba. It's a square shaped and covered with black clothe. Its door is also made of pure gold. Verses are embroidered with golden threads in many kinds of Arabic scripts such as Thuluth and Diwani which makes a marvelous round strap at the top of the Ka'aba. Maqam Ibraheem is found in front of Ka'aba and has a one stone inside it. This stone, which Ibraheem prophet used to rise when he was building the Ka'aba, is featuring the print of his feet.
That was the Holy Mosque at Mecca, the Islam's holiest shrine, where I like to go whenever I can. It is the perfect place where I feel comfortable and see marvelous architecture.
"First, I enjoy
ed the comfortable.."
"When I am in the mosque's yard, I see Muslims circling around the Holy Ka'aba in the middle, praying, and seeking blessings. "
"Pigeons fly freely in the air and chirp
happily " (how do you know that they are chirping happily?)
with complete trust in curing "
to me "
"in aligned rows"
during only forone minute"
"I want him to continue " Say why you want him to continue
don't "do not"
Provide a deeper meaning for the second paragraph. Most of it is plain description. You want to make the reader feel the same way you do about the mosque. What is so special about the mosque being wide and three stories high? The glorious chandeliers that illuminate the mosque? How does that make you feel?
This is perfect! I see that Jaron changed enjoyed to enjoy, but other than that I see no real errors... Jaron has good suggestions, but your writing is error free.
I think you should start the essay with a sentence that "hooks" the reader's attention. Keep that single sentence as the thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph, but add some sentences before it as well. Know what I mean?
You structured this essay very well with one para dedicated to atmosphere and the other dedicated to architecture. Great stuff! Great description and detail.
Once again, I agree with Kevin. I liked reading the essay, as I have always enjoyed reading about the Muslim religion. It is a very colorful religion, very artful.
I have made only a few suggestions for you -- albeit small -- each one of them. Your essay is above reproach, indeed. Are you going to post any more essays?
The Zamzam wall inside the mosque provides water, which is known to be a medicine for any disease if it is drunk with complete trust in curing
When the Imam recites verses softly with an angelic voice, tears comes to my eyes and I feel happy to the point that I never want him
not to stop
a square shaped and covered with black clothe
Other than the corrections other people have previously pointed out, I don't see any. I loved the way your essay was written! You did well with the was you described things. So nice descriptions, it sounds beautiful :) good work!