(IELTS) Home schooling vs School education

TOPIC: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Children's education has always been valued by society. Some people believe that parents have the responsibility to teach their children to be good members of society. However, others consider that influence of schooling education children is more important than that of home education. I will discuss both statements and give my opinions in the following paragraphs.

Looking at the statement of the home education, the supporters are positive that home is the place influence children's value which will play a big part of their life. When newborn babies come to the world, parents would become their first teachers. Babies almost share all day long with their parents, such as learning from how to walk to how to speak. Not to mention the value and life-skills they will inherit from parents, like communication and interaction skills. For example, Hoa Chen, my grand-grandma, was a woman who did not go to school even one day but she had a good family education. During World War II, seven innocents were helped by her and escaped successfully from the Laogai, which means reform through labor. She also donated uncounted money to the disabled caused by war after war. It shows how home value influences children and made them useful members of society.

According to the supporters' statement of school education, children can efficiently become helpful members by the cultivation of school education. School is generally an institute that provides academic knowledge and professional tutors. It means that children will be cultivated here with expert knowledge. Whenever children become professionals, they will have the ability to resolve society's problems.

I assume that home education is much more important than school education. Imaging children as a bee, home education is the living instinct, and school education is the wings. Instinct tells a bee how to live, and the wings give a bee the way to realize its dreams. After all, determine the bee behaviors is not by the wings but by instincts. The instinct to be, just like the home teaching to children.

Proper vocabulary usage is of the utmost importance in these essays. Word references help to bring clarity to the discussion paragraph incorrect references to early childhood education such as new-borns and babies create confusion because, unlike adolescents and teenagers, the former are still too young to learn. They do not require parent or teacher mentors yet.

It is common for Chinese to focus on proverbs or animal lessons/comparisons when explaining a point. While that is normally acceptable and enjoyable to read, the bee analogy in this presentation is difficult to follow. A more straightfoward explanation would have worked better. The vocabulary knowledge of the writer did not create coherent and cohesive explanations most of the time in the bee themed paragraph.

The main issues here are vocabulary usage and thought clarity. More sentence writing excercises, not necessarily essay writing, can help with this skill improvement. The lack of the proper concluding paraphrase will also contribute to the low score of this essay. The discussion presentation is incomplete when compared to the discussion format requirements.