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IELTS: in-home work and in-home study, a development positive or negative?

moleman 2 / 5 4  
Jan 29, 2015   #1
The prompt: Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as a result, more adults work at home and children learn at home. Is this a positive or negative development?

The following is my essay and any advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

The internet era is witnessing a dramatic change in the ways people work or study, in which a face-to-face group interaction is no longer a necessity. People can work and study at places they feel most comfortable, such as homes. I firmly believe it is a positive development that will benefit the individual and the society as a whole.

First, this in-home work or study pattern offer the much sought-after freedom and flexibility that a conventional work or study pattern usually fall short of. One of the reasons that many people hate work or study is their rigid nine-to-five routine, whereas the renewed work and study style enable a personal choice of when to start ,when to finish and the pace, as long as a overall deadline is met and a planned goal is realized. People even can do some great traveling as the work or study proceed.

Second, instead of a complete replacement of the traditional work or learning style, the in-home style work or study are a constructive and significant addition. It equips the bosses and educators with more diversified means to elastically design and execute the whole programme. The work or study process can be naturally extended to people's whole life, evolving into a personalized lifestyle.That is definitely a win-win development for both parties when the traditional face-to-face style can be coupled with the on-line in-home one.

Last but not the least, from a much broader perspective, in-home work or study style, while potentially cut individuals huge break from a rote lifestyle, weave the whole world into a ever more closely-linked and fairer community. Knowledge and ideas can be more easily and unrestrainedly spread and shared globally, for the geographical barrier is no longer a fatal problem. People, especially the unprivileged and marginalized, have more access to jobs and education, as a result, once unleveled play field becomes more and more leveled. It is totally a foreseeable scenario that one day, people from all the corners of the world work or study on-line together in their respective homes.

Self-employment and self-learning is a trend of the digital age. It may have yet to attain its perfection, but it is an unstoppable and noble one.It brings about the infinite possibility for individual and societal betterment at the same time. So, without doubt, the style of in-home work and study is a positive development, gaining traction, popularity and eventually dominance in the world.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Jan 29, 2015   #2
Congratulations! your essay is quite informative it was eye-catching to read. Albeit, the prompt is not asking you for some examples, notwithstanding, by rendering some instances will be a huge plus for your essay. While, it is a wonderful thing that you exceeded the minimum word count, but i would still advise you to be as laconic as you can. It can be done by merging your last 2 paragraphs, they are quite identical, so to speak.

Keep up the good work!
OP moleman 2 / 5 4  
Jan 29, 2015   #3
Many many thanks to you for your detaied and meticulous revision. It is quite a contribution.
If it could be desired, i also badly need some critique in generalisations. Thank you.

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