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Honey bee diagram explanation - [IELTS Writing Task 1]

hi021132 6 / 11 4  
Jul 21, 2017   #1
The diagram shows the life cycle of the honey bee.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

from an egg to the adult honey bee

The pictures demonstrate how the honey bee is born and grows. The entire process involves 7 stages which are from being laid as an egg to being mature. It takes 34 to 36 days.

The first stage of the life cycle starts with laying egg by female adult honey bee. In every three days, she lays 1 or 2 eggs at a time. Next, the egg laid hatches 9 to 10 days later and the nymph appears.

At the third stage, it moults 3 times as it grows in the 5th, 12th and 21st days respectively after the day it is out of the egg. It grows bigger as every time it removes its old skin. Having shed its skin 3 times, it becomes a young adult honey bee. At last, it spends 4 more days to be an adult honey bee. This sequence is repeated after it is complete. (150 words)

Thank you for your time to read my essay and please feel free to comment on it.

nguyet_nguyen 4 / 11 1  
Jul 22, 2017   #2
I think your essay is pretty good. Although you use some academic words (demonstrate, involve, respectively) but your essay is easy to read. However, I think you should use more grammar in your essay to achieve higher score.
LadyOfClockwork 30 / 94  
Jul 22, 2017   #3
In my opinion your argument is self-contradictory in one point: how many stages does the lifecycle involve?

In your opening paragraph, the number is seven. But your third paragraph suggests you treat three molts as one stage. That means only four stages are involved.

In addition, I think this sequence is NOT repeated after it is complete. Most of grown bees are infertile, since there is only one queen bee in each bee colony. That means the majority of adult bees are unable to lay eggs.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3353  
Jul 22, 2017   #4
Peter, when the word minimum is 150, you should not just write 150 words. You wrote just enough to pass the test at the lowest possible passing score. You should write at least 200 words in order to give yourself an opportunity to properly represent your complex sentence structure abilities in the test. That means you need to go beyond just the obvious illustration in the diagram. This is done by further studying the illustration you were provided with. In your given statement, you said that the moulting period occurred within the 5th, 12, and 21st days of the development of the bee. The thing is, the moulting period is a separate part of the development of the bee because this is when the bee comes to maturity. As such, you should have indicated this as a separate part of the maturation cyle. Further analysis of the bee during this period shows that there is a physical development that occurs. It was not represented in your essay. That is why your presentation is very short. In a Task 1 essay, you need to give additional time to the illustration analysis before you write the essay. Make sure that you did not miss any development points in the illustration and always, decide upon a given development is a part of the cycle or a separate, but connected part of the cycle provided. Those are 2 different things.

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