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Horror Essay continuation of the book : The house on the Brink. Need more ideas.

Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Aug 31, 2015   #1
Hi All, Thanks for using time to read my essay , I welcome negative comments. I would appreciate on how to improve my ideas and horror essay writing than Grammar mistakes

Summary of what happen before : A guy and a women was at a marshland , then the woman saw a stump in the mud and mistaken it as a body. The man decided to have a look and found out that it was just a wood.

I am suppose to continue with a horror story with the following sentence.

Last few lines,
But she was pale. "Let's go back," she said. "A piece of bog oak isn't a body."
He laughed as he tore handfuls of grass to clean the mud from his feet. " Your imagination !" he said. "It even gets me going at times."

She kept quiet and stomped her feet.

"Okay, Okay, " the man answered." Let's go back then."

He held her hand and went.

The scorching sun prostrated their journey. Wondering how long their journey has been. The man look back. Nothing much, just a breeze carrying it's sand. The low bank was barely visible. The view was dreary , nothing odd, just a black stump behind.

"Wait!" he thought " that black stump! "
"I must be seeing things" the man pondered. He fixes his eyes in the front.

A breeze blew, It was cold but it froze the man's spine. He dared another look back. There was nohing to be seen ,but his foot hit something. He looked down, paled, picked his pace and ran.

"Stop ! " the woman cried "what are you doing ? "
"Just Run ! "


She turned to look and her life drained out of her : The stump was chasing them ! "

Upfront, they reached an old mansion. An idea of hiding in it sprung up.

"In here ! "
"No! It's not a good idea!"
""A stump is after us ! What do you want? "

The man kicked ,the door flung open. They got in and closed the door.

It was dark and cold.

No one could barely see a thing, they loom through the watch hole, the stump was no where to be seen. The man sighed with relief .

"AAAHHH!" the woman shrieked.
"What's the ma...ma...argh! " The man let out a horrified scream, he felt a large claw pinned him onto the door. Grabbing his feet and arms. Desperately to break free, he struggled, but the more he struggled the tighter the claws held.

Thunder roared and lightning stroke..

The room was lightened up, just enough time for them to have a look at the mansion. It was a long hall way, rooms with doors at the side. That's all they managed to see before it was pitch dark again.

Then there was a shrill , harried scream. The doors suddenly threw themselves open. Forms lunged.

Another lightning struck down.

Men in dirty dungarees , Women in faded dresses. Even children, tagging after their parents. And in every hand there was a chunk of wood or a knife. Soulless eyes stared at them, their jaws are broken bearing their hideously sharp teeth.


Thanks for all of your time.
collegebound28 13 / 22  
Sep 2, 2015   #2
The scorching sun prostrated their journey. Hindered might work instead of prostrated, or impeded
collegebound28 13 / 22  
Sep 2, 2015   #3
Wondering how long their journey has been Wondering how long their journey had been
Upfront, they reached an old mansion. An idea of hiding in it sprung up. Maybe say " the idea of hiding in the house struck him

Thunder roared and lightning stroke.. Lightning struck
OP Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Sep 4, 2015   #4
CAN somebody help me ?

Can somebody give me suggestions of my horror essay? It is in my profile. I welcome negative comment, I waited quite a while
whipsnade97 2 / 4 3  
Sep 29, 2015   #5
Heyyy I answered your other post too :) My advice is read some stuff and get some inspiration! Poe is my personal favourite - his stuff is really short! Won't take long. In the tell-tale heart he uses onomatopoeia as sort of a key throughout the story - the 'thump thump' heartbeat. Makes the whole atmosphere more ominous. Maybe you could do the same here! For instance, maybe the man turns around every few paragraphs and goes like 'it still isn't there. Where is it? Where could it be?' repetition and suspense always increase tension.

Also, just a personal preference. But all-caps seem a bit... unprofessional? Keep your sentences short. Use italics wisely instead of capitals for emphasis.

You want to make sure every word counts - keep out unnecessary details. Write a line and ask yourself 'so?' if your answer is 'so the readers will get the jeebers!' then keep the line. :)

I hope this helps. I'm new to the forum... and I see you've been waiting on this for a while. Hope it's not too late!

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