Some people think that organizing international sports events is good for the host country while others think it is bad.
Discuss both views and state your opinion.
People have different views about whether it is unnecessary for nations to be the host of some global events relating to sports, or organizing these events is better for them. Personally, I am in agreement with the latter view, even though the other one also shows some obvious advantageous points.
The option to not become the host of the sporting events is attractive for several reasons. Regarding the economy, countries which organize the international events such as Olympics, FIFA World Cup have to pay a huge sum of money for building new or renovating existing sports facilities. Consequently, such investments probably make some fields of daily life, especially education, hospital system and healthcare suffer from a heavy burden because of the lack of funds. Another issue is that foreign people flocking to the host country are likely to negatively impact on the society. Some criminals and terrorists can take advantage of the massive movement, the crowd and sporting matches for illegal purposes.
However, I believe it is more beneficial to be the place where sports tournaments are organized. One of the evident advantages is that when a world-class event is held in a country, it will build the reputation and dignity, which increases the profile of tourism and even politics. For instance, in 2018, Russia, which was the host of FIFA World Cup, was always splashed in headlines across all the newspapers, websites and also visited by millions of tourists. As a result, Russia's economy was boosted strongly and it has been a popular tourist destination until now. Finally, the host country is assured of having a legacy of improved sporting venues which cater to its residents' sports and physical activities.
In conclusion, while there are several consequences of organising sports tournaments, it seems to be that it is vital to become the host country for some positive reasons.
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There is a lack of clarity in your topic and reasoning sentence presentation. You mentioned the topic as, "global events relating to sports or organizing...", but, referred to the reasons simply as "people have different views", rather than stating the individual reasons as indicated in the original prompt. These 2 sentences go hand in hand when the examiner considers the coherence and clarity of the restated prompt. It is going to be difficult to get a good C&C score when your representation of the original discussion is not clearly presented in your version of the facts. Your response should have stopped at ;"I am in agreement with the latter view" without the addition of an opposing statement at the end since that is a part of your personal idea, not the original prompt.
Never use words of uncertainty such as "probably". You are scored on the clarity of your opinion. "Probably" means you cannot be sure about your statement, which translates into a lack of clarity for the thought presentation. Based on your presentation. There needs to be a 3 body paragraph of reasons presented. You only presented 2 paragraphs, leaving each reasoning topic from the original with little explanation to an unclear presentation in a singular paragraph. Every reason must be developed in individual paragraphs. You cannot compress the topics into one paragraph, the C&C score will suffer immensely.
Opening line of third paragraph is a bit confusing. You should try to rephrase what you actually want to say in third paragraph.
Your introduction is vague and does not follow the 3-5 sentences for a paragraph rule. The prompt wants you to discuss both views and then to state your opinion. Therefore, the body should have had at least three sections that needed to be developed: the view that it is beneficial, the view that it is disadvantageous, and then your personal opinion. Each view should have several reasons that could be elaborated on. However, because your body was underdeveloped, your essay remains too vague and unclear. Then, your conclusion is unsustainable because there was not enough information from the body for you to form one.