Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


hohhohok 1 / -  
Feb 2, 2021   #1
Topic: some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some think it is bad.

Discuss both views and state your opinion

Hosting an international sports event is considered advantageous to the hosting country by some, while for the others, the idea might be a detrimental one. There is, indeed, an enormous number of benefits hosting an international event involving sports can bring for a country. Nevertheless, everything comes with a price, and for many countries, responsibilities like this can prove to be a heavy burden.

Admittedly, having the honor to host a global sports event means various financial and political advantages for a country. First, the hosting country will attract more international investment even many years to come after the event. In detail, Its image can be abundantly raised and may even take the top spot in the local region as a promising country, consequently granting itself more investment. Second, other countries will seek to establish a companionship with the hosting country, thus giving its government more power and influence among the world leaders. A country with a respected position and others' support undoubtedly has every opportunity for consistent and rapid development.

However, hosting an event as such may be destructive to the country's economy. It is the extortionate cost and impracticality of organizing such an event that makes the idea a terrible one. In other words, the financial burden the country has to bear and what to do with the facilities invested after the end of the event can be a big issue for the country. Taking Brazil, for example, years after the world cup and the building of the grand Rio de Janeiro stadium, it is still trying to make up for all the money wasted in facilities and find a way to make use of the billion-dollar stadium, with its maintenance fees most likely being too high to retain and the current conditions of which too low to be up for rent.

All in all, though the chance to host a global sports event would bring lots of great benefits for the country, it is most advisable for countries without adequate financial background to forfeit any responsibility of hosting such events.

I have only started practicing for the ielts writing section for a few weeks. CC and LS are what I find most challenging about this section. if you could suggest ways to improve these 2 skills then it would be much appreciated! thanks in advance!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Feb 3, 2021   #2
In the first paragraph, you were able to address the topic restatement covering the 2 points of view in the first sentence. It was the discussion instruction part that you were not able to properly represent as:

Due to these varying opinions, I will have to carefully consider both sides of the discussion and offer an idea as to why I support or do not support the stated point of view.


Based on these reasons, I find that I support the opinion that____________ mainly because (state your reason).

Either format will work for the restatement because both offers a clear take on how you will be discussing the topics and how you intend to present your point of view in the discussion paragraphs.

You have to remember that for each point of view, you need to present the public opinion before you state your personal opinion. Usually, the reasons for the public opinion are provided in the original prompt. If not, then you should find a reason to support the public opinion. Explain the public point of view because the prompt says "some people" and "while others". This means that you have to use some public presentation first before you present your opinion. Your opinion should always be based on the public opinion explanation that you have provided. What you did here was set the essay up as a personal point of view presentation, rather than a public comparison discussion with a personal point of view. The latter is, the more appropriate approach to the discussion since you are scored on the clarity of your opinion. Once you establish how your opinion is based on the public explanation, your C&C score will be increased.

As for your LR problems, the only way you can improve your vocabulary is to read more English works. There are many opinion columns being written in free to access online newspapers from the USA and the UK. If you can read more opinion columns, not only will your approach to essay writing improve, but you will also be able to improve your vocabulary by taking note of words you do not understand then looking up the word meaning in the dictionary, while also learning alternative references by learning the synonym words for it. All of these, as a learning process, can help you improve your LR and GRA scores.